Will I recover?
It's been 3 and a half weeks since that dreadful
discovery.
Good thing is I've had quite abit of improvements since. But yet every morning I wake up and look myself in the mirror, I seem to find myself looking at a stranger. A stranger who looks alot like me yet it's not exactly me...
My lips is still looking weird. I still have a crooked smile...almost as if I've got cleft lip or something...and my eyebrow is still a lil off...
My dad commented something to me today...he said..."You face looks different..."
Sigh...how appropriate...I know he didn't mean it...but I guess he was a tad insensitive...he might as well call me a freak perhaps?
As much as I try to deny sometimes...I cannot help but feel that he is somehow right. I really dun look quite the same as before. I'm just worried that things might never improve...and I'm gonna be stucked like this for the rest of my life...
My right face still looks "lose". It's almost as if I've had botox on the left side of my face and not on my right.
It's depressing...I've tried thinking positively about this....but it still haunts me again and again....
I can't hide from the mirror forever...
Labels: emo, thots, work shite
Appreciation is.....
Ap·pre·ci·a·tion (ə-prē'shē-ā'shən) ~ n.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one.
3. An expression of gratitude.
4. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
5. A rise in value or price, especially over time.
(courtesy of
www.dictionary.com)
I just got OML a pairs of Oaks in preparation and celebration of his lasik op. Although it burnt a huge hole in my pocket...it's worth it for him. :)
My OML is a man of few words...actions even...lol...so..I'm not exactly sure if he likes it. I hope he does thou...
So when was the last time u showed your appreciation towards someone special?
Hmm...if it's been more than 3 months...I'd suggest maybe u'll do something todae! SO get your ass up and show them your lurvveee....or your appreciation of them for being there yar?
Now if u'd excuse me...I'll need to go save some money for my own wishlist too! Been doing quite abit of online browsing lately...heehee...a girl's gotta show herself some appreciation for being so brave through the rd to recovery?
Heh...the reasons girls gives themselves to justify for some retail therapy...wahahahahaha
Labels: emo, happy, thots
Emo Elmo
I have a new nick today....
I'm now Emo Elmo.....courtesy of OML.
He reckons I get affected by what others do or say too personally.
I totally agree....I'm letting Mr Lamer really get the better of me. I couldn't sleep the whole of last night cos of his stupid work ethnics.
I shall not let him get into the way of my recovery.
I.Must.Resist.
Labels: emo, work shite
Rd to recovery....
First of all...
A big thank you to those who have been so encouraging throughout this Bell's Palsy incident. Thanks for all your care and concern throughout. *huge hug*
I'm happy to announce things are slowly picking up...
1)I can close my eyes to sleep now without taping it
2)I can chew abit more
3)I can attempt a weak smile now :)
Although my cheeks are still a lil heavy and I can't raise my brow still...but the doc was happy to see my improvements thus far...
Weird as it may seem, I should be getting all happy about my recovery, but perhaps with some turn of events, I found myself feeling depressed again.
*shrugs* Too much of a thinker I suppose...
I just feel like staying in a corner and hide myself up....away from everything!
Labels: emo, work shite
Things people say...
I think I'm very affected by this new guy helping me out...
Mr Lamer been only getting to office like 10-ish and even 11am on one occassion. Our official working hours are 8.30am till 6pm.
I have my own set of rules when it comes to work and responsibility. I have never been late in my entire job history. I always believe in working efficiently, effectively, on time and on target. Which simply means if I can finish my work on time, I do it. If I don't have to work OT, I try not to. So, I never believe in coming late to work and going home late because I simply didn't have enough time to finish my work.
I don't want to judge how Mr Lamer works. Firstly I'm not his boss and he doesn't report to me. Secondly, he is clearly an adult who can jolly well decide his own work attitude.
But I am peeved when he said this to me today...
"Hey, can u try to cover me from 8.30am till abt 9.30am?" "I need to take abt an hour to travel to work....."Seriously, I was slightly peeved. Cover him? If he's supposed to be working from 8.30am means he has to make arrangements to leave his house earlier? What kind of excuse is that for coming late?
Sheesh...
Although I'm supposed to be recovering at home and working from home, I'm ought to cover u? And I thought u were suppose to cover me while I concentrate on my recovery?
Maybe I should start sleeping in till abt 9 or 10 now instead of waking up the same time still....I do have a better excuse than him?
Darn...the things people say....
Labels: farnie shite, tupid things, work shite
Her Story-Chapter 4
Our dear Kyra is now a sweet young lady at the age of 18. She had studied very hard and scored herself a few scholarship offers from different universities and organizations. She’s had scholarships to study locally, in Australia, UK and USA. It was a tough choice for her, because she knew how much she had hoped for an opportunity outside Singapore. It was her dream to be able to study abroad, but her Ah-Mah was her greatest concern.
Who is going to takecare of her while I’m gone?
Who will massage her legs when she gets her rheumatism attacks?
And who will accompany her and talk to her when she gets lonely?
Finding no answers to her own questions, she decided that being here in Singapore with Ah-Mah was the best choice. Although a tough decision to make, Kyra was happy with the decision she made, she didn’t once think of Ah-Mah as a burden. Ah-Mah was all that she have right now….and so is Kyra to Ah-Mah. They can’t live without each other I suppose….
“Ah-Mah, I’m taking the scholarship from NUS. It’s nearer and it seems like more fun!”
Knowing Kyra’s filial piety towards her, Ah-Mah responded.
“Are u sure this is what u want? Studying overseas is a much much better choice isn’t it? I mean..you’ve spent 18 years in Singapore, now that u have a choice, don’t u want to experience something more? If you’re worried abt me..u dun have to…I have friends I can hang arnd with….”
“No Ah-Mah, I’ve made up my decision. I think I would like to stay here. There Lynette-her best friend since secondary school, you and all my other friends here. Will be sad to leave everyone here. Besides, I might not like the food, weather and people there. Food especially, I’ll miss your cooking for sure. Hmm…those chicken wings, chicken rice and….”
Slap! Came a little chiding hand on Kyra's ass....
“You and your nonsense ah…are u really that greedy? You can cook as good as me now. I’m sure u can feed yourself fine there. Hit you on your head to make u wake up your idea ok. Food is not an excuse…”
“Ouch…you’ll make me stupid ok…by then NUS will be the only choice! It’s still going to be my choice Ah-Mah. NUS it shall be!”
Thou thinking about the opportunities that Kyra may have missed, Ah-Mah could not hide her secret joy of knowing that Kyra will still be by her side. Kyra has made Ah-Mah proud all these years and have not once disappointed her, well, only once that time in Primary school. But with Kyra’s new scholarship, things are much easier on Ah-Mah now. Now, she can allow themselves for more luxury food and items. She can at the same time, save aside some money for Kyra’s dowry. Too early as it may seem, Ah-Mah hopes that she can live till the day Kyra is dressed in a white wedding gown and marries the man whom Ah-Mah can safely pass the baton of taking good care of her beloved grand daughter. And if she’s lucky enough, maybe even a great grandchild?
But right now, Ah Mah can only dream of the day…it’s probably still a long way…
Kyra has never any experience in the dating scene. She’s had puppy love crushes and she’s had suitors. But they were only part and parcel of growing up. She’s never paid much attention to all the BGR stuffs in school because she knew she had more important roles to fulfill.
So being so ignorant in the “dating” field, will Kyra find her one true love in NUS?
Labels: Her Story
Pain
Today's accupunture session was painful. I teared.
Dunno if it's cos OML is not here with me today or that needle was much longer today.
The doc was impressed I didn't cry out, cos she said to me " Wah, you're very brave, I would have cried out."
I found her statement funny because I thot such statements were usually for kids, u know to encourage them and make them feel better. It's feels a little funny to hear her saying these things to me...a lady in her mid-twenties.
But what she didn't know...I teared when she left...it was really painful today. In fact they have become more painful with each session. I wonder if that's a good thing.
Sigh...there's still 5 more sessions to go the least...
Why must shite always happen to me?
Labels: emo, thots, work shite
First Impression
Busy day today...didn't get to rest at all today.
Had to return to office this morning because there's a new guy who will be taking over my duties before I leave for projects.
My MD was kind enough to assign him to me earlier so that he can share some of my workload while I concentrate on recovering.
Anyway this new guy didn't exactly leave a good impression on me. This was part of our conversation yesterday when I told him where I'm seated and that we'll meet there today for our discussion.....
New guy: yes....i know where u sit...
New guy: it is indeed cold
New guy: u shouldnt have sit there
New guy: someone died there before
Me: huh?
Me: what do u mean someone died there before?
New guy: hehhe
New guy: u wanna know the history?
Me: u serious ornot?
New guy: u watch sixth sense?
Me: yar..
New guy: when it is cold....means got the presence of ghost
Me: ......
And as our conversation goes....New guy: u malaysian or sporean?
Me: singaporean
New guy: i am african
Me: huh?but your name is chinese?
New guy: recently, there is a trend among spore women, they prefer black people...the hip hop people....so i turned black....lol
With that...I conclude that my "successor" has officially been labelled as a LAMER.
For first impression's sake, he was late for 2 hours. I told him to meet at 8.30am and when I called him at 9.30am, he said he's forgotten about it and is on his way. He arrived later at 10.30am, which left 1 hour for our discussion because I had to go for my accupunture.
I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but I think he totally screwed it. First impressions counts...too bad...he's now Mr LAMER.
Labels: farnie shite, work shite
Update 2
It is times like these when I know I need comfort, care and concern and that support to pull through this.....
Instead, my parents havent been really supportive of the whole episode. Why? I think it's because they take my independence too much for granted that they expect me to handle everything myself.
The truth is, I'm kinda disappointed. Disappointed in the way they look at things in my perspective.
When I had felt something amiss last wednesday, they sorta dismissed it. Only when OML saw me he realised that perhaps a doctor's attention is needed. I didn't quite think of anything myself initially was because of my parents. The fact that they didn't see the severity of it.
Anyway, if not for OML, perhaps my face would have been alot serious? And he was the one who persuaded me to go for accupunture. Even his parents showed more concern towards me than mine. I must say that somehow, I'm disappointed by how my parents took this whole episode. If something like that happened to my brother, I'm sure they would have sought for the best doctors or specialist even? But for me, I'm supposed to do it all by myself, even when I'm the one who is supposed to be feeling all down and traumatized by what's happening. I don't mean to doubt their love for me, but I think they take my independence too much for granted.
OML has been the one by my side all these while, trying to accompany me to the accupunture sessions which I dun exactly look forward to. If he hadn't been there, I don't know if I could persist on. My parents havent even gone on one session with me even to the doctor and they still have the cheek to come nag me abt this. Telling me I shouldn't be bathing when I come home late at night blar blar and then sleeping in the air con because this is what happened etc etc.
I seriously don't need all these right now. I'm already saddened so much by this whole Bell's Palsy thing and yet they cannot be more sensitive to what I'm going through? I look like a freak for god's sake now! What else do they want from me? What comfort can they give me?
I just needed to get all these off my chest. It really hurts. The only solitude of comfort I can find now is OML. I think he is the only one who understands what I am going through right now.
He won't be able to accompany me for the next few accupunture sessions because he has a job to keep...he can't do this for me everyday....I do understand.
I just have to be strong for now I suppose...not for anyone else but for him and myself.
Road to recovery will not be easy...I'll need to have a lil more faith....
Labels: emo, tupid things, work shite
Update
Thank you to all that have shown their concerns to me.
Unfortunately I'm still unable to move my right face.
Been feeling total crap these days...feel absolutely like a freak.
Tried out accupunture last Sat. It was scary having needles arnd my faces and my hands.
Not only had I have needles sticking out of my face, they had electric current go through them too. It was a really really weird feeling....
After which the physician even tried to put some herbs on the needles and sorta burn them through into my skin. I don't know how exactly it was done because for one, I had my eyes closed and two, it was out of my vision. All I could feel is a heat rush into the back of my face and smell of burning matchsticks.
It wasn't a good experience at all but I don't think I had a choice. I'm going for my second session today this afternoon. The physician did say I will not see any results so soon. It takes abt 10 sessions or so to recover? I can only hope.
I have spoken to my MD this morning and he has graciously allowed me to work from home till I fully recover. I had only expected working from home for a week. Well, we'll see what's the status of my recovery I suppose....
As much as I tried to look at this positively....I dread waking up every morning to see the same freak face. And still not being able to move much even till today. Feeling depressed about the whole thing. Never understand why this has to happen to me. Mostly I'm concerned if I will suffer any side effects after? Studies have shown that some percentage of the people do even after recovery.
I really can't do much except pray that this whole episode will end soon with a full recovery.
Just so that you're aware,
1. Never sit too close the air conditioner till u can feel the air blowing.
2.Should u have an flu, always be careful to takecare and never let it go untreated. Flu can also cause Bell's Palsy should u aggrevate it causing inflammation.
Whatever it is, you should always takecare of yourself constantly! And I mean CONSTANTLY! Never take your health for granted!
Labels: emo, tupid things, work shite
^&%$!@#!$*@&#
I'm sorry but I couldn't find a better title today.
The right side of my face is temporarily paralysed. The right term here could be Bell's Palsy if my research is done correctly.
Totally feel like shit and looking like a freak! The doc said it could be cold air that is constantly blowing on my face that could have resulted in this.
Not even a year I have been working in this office and I've had like 2 totally unusual illness so far...
Okay..maybe is not the right word here...but at least unusual to me. I mean..What are the odds?!!!!????
The ear infection thingy which caused the imbalance in my ears was a result of my flu not recovering well. I couldn't recover because the moment I stepped into the office, my nose get clogged up again.
And now...the freaking cold air cold blowing on my face resulted in Bell's palsy! I simply cannot believe my luck in this.
Either the fengshui isn't too good at my spot or it's a sign that perhaps this is not the right job for me.
I'm feeling totally crappy abt it but yet I can't do much expect pray I can get better. Otherwise the doc did say acupunture is the next solution but I just dun like the idea of needles sticking in my face.
ARRGGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Labels: emo, tupid things, work shite
