Lost....
Lately I seemed to have lost myself somehow. Not exactly sure why but it seems that I don’t know myself anymore…*lost*
How often do we see ourselves through a 3rd person’s point of view? Do you think you know yourself better than anyone else?
I used to think I know myself very well, in terms of my preferences, my character and the way I view things. In fact, all along I thot I was an extrovert all along, but recently, I’ve realized that perhaps I’m much more of an introvert than I thot I was….
Looking back, I’ve had my fair share of life changing experiences, some good, some bad, some had a real impact in my life…
I’ve always thot that I’m really a jovial, fun-living and someone full of energy kind of person, but….there’s always a but….something happened in my JC years that kinda changed a big part of my life…I toned down a lot since, thinking that I was somehow “defeated” I guess. It was like a whole new discovering myself again procedure….but I guess I was never really the same ol’ me again. It was like I was trying to hide a part of me so that I wun remember certain things….I never really got over it I suppose, I probably was still running away and trying so hard to hide from it…I’m starting to wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing…
Perhaps I was trying too hard to re-invent myself, perhaps not. I’m not exactly sure if environment played a part in my “losing myself” idea, but something is surely happening to me…if only I knew….
Is the old me trying to break free? Or is it something that I really was now that I’m trying to hide?
I wonder….
2 Days before LIVE....
It's Wednesday...
2 more days before going live...
I hope everything works out fine...
2 more weeks and I am back in SG for good....Counting down...=D
Who Knows - Avril Lavigne
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-eah, yeah
Yeah-eah, yeah
Why do you look so familiar
I could swear that I have seen your face before
I think I like that you seem sincere
I think I like to get to know you a little bit more
[Chorus]
I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
Yeah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah,
Yeah-eah, yeah
How do you always have an opinion
And how do you always find the best way to compromise
We don't need to have a reason
We don't need anything
We're just wasting time
[Chorus x2]
I think there's something more, life's worth living for
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day
Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?
Find yourself, cause I can't find you
Be yourself, who are you?
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
So you go and make it happen
Do your best just keep on laughing
It's all on you, there's always a brand new day
[Chorus]
Who knows what could happen.
Do what you do, just keep on laughing
One thing's true, there's always a brand new day
I'm gonna live today like it's my last day~Who ever knows what's gonna happen? Just be true to yourself....
Pace of Life...
Working overseas has really shown me how our pace of life is so much different in Singapore. It makes me wonder if sometimes we should take our lives slower and enjoy the true meaning of life and to really cherish and treasure our time with our loved ones.
Since I have been traveling so frequently to and fro Philippines, I find that time is indeed very important and very very precious. I’ve hardly spent enuff quality time with my loved ones back home, and between all these traveling, sometimes I really feel “disconnected” from the world. It’s almost like life is nothing much except for work. Honestly, my project mates are too interesting either. Well, that’s maybe because everyone’s just really drained out after a long tiring day all week. And rest seems never enuff all the time…..
It is abit sad to live through life like that really. I mean time just zoomed so incredibly past you and your days just go into weeks and weeks into months and months to years. By the time your body calls you to slow down, you’ll probably realize u missed out a lot on life itself.
But sometimes I can’t help but wonder, do we actually dictate our own lives or is it dictated by time and space. I mean, time as in which era are we born in, space as in which part of the world are we born into. Whether you are a Japanese, Chinese, European,Australian- are all these arrangements been pre-destined?
Say for example I’m borne a Filipino, then my way of life would be like theirs. And if I were to meet someone like my current self, would I feel that that someone is going too fast for me? Third person perspective, interesting huh?And if for example I’m borne in the early 60s or something, would it be easier for me to strike it rich with my current ambitions? Hmm….I do wonder really.
As times change, I can’t help but feeling that life is getting harder and harder. To think that pple used to be able to marry with a chicken, a sewing machine and maybe some bags of rice in the past. But now, people will need to worry about houses, how many tables for the banquet, what famous designer should u hire to design your very own gowns etc etc. It all comes down to the big M. But the big M isn’t exactly what everyone has. It’s not easy to make a living nowadays. You’ll need a lil bit of luck to get a good job, a gd boss perhaps to pay you the rite salary and perhaps a gd bonus reward once in awhile to come with. But with the every growing materialistic world, it seems more n more difficult to obtain.
Sometimes I do wonder, would life has been a lot easier and simpler when we were hunting animals with spears, running around in woven coconut husk material wear and just live life in an old-fashioned barbaric way. Ha! How interesting!
I’m tired…I need rest….ZzZzzzZzzz…..
Numb
Sometimes I’ll have to admit that blogging has become more of less a part of me. Not that I cant sleep or something when I don’t blog, but I’ll try to blog whenever I have the time.
The truth is, I sometimes use blogging as a form of expressing my frustrations, my anxieties, my happiness etc etc…But I seriously wun call it private because it simply is not. I mean, it’s published in the internet for Christ sake, how private can that be?
Honestly, I don’t really write very intimate stuffs here or things that I feel might often some pple by mistake or whatsoever. But somehow, it does help flushing out some thots of mine to the open. It’s like this “mind-bank” thing that I can just put some of my thots in here, save it and perhaps read it like when I’m 50? Lol…
I’m not very sane now to be honest, I’m tired, sleepy and in some ways, bored. Like I said, my brain’s virtually in standby-mode now. I can’t even put words into what or how I’m feeling rite now. Perhaps the word numb best describes it? Yeah…NUMB!
I’m just numb of days passing, numb of work, numb with the fact that I’m getting older and older by the year and still having doubts about my future.
Well, I’m a thinker, so sometimes I really can’t help but feeling that I’d rather think through certain scenarios rather than simply letting it happen and start regretting if anything went wrong.
I’ll think about my job, think about my parents, think about my relationship and recently, I’ve started thinking about marriage. Yes, perhaps my cuckoo/bio/hormonal (wateva) clock is ticking or something, but I can’t hide the fact that I’m starting to realize that with my birthday drawing in Sept, I’m turning 24. And at this age, it is theoretically a suitable age for marriage.
Thinking back to the days when I was at that age where love and marriage seemed such wonderful ideas, my peers and I actually felt that getting married at 24 or 25 was something that we all looked forward to. In fact, it was more like a decision that was so casually decided then.
But through the years of my fair share of heartbreaks, tv dramas, experiencing life and understanding the true meaning of human interaction, I’ve actually have this sudden apprehension about getting married at this age, or even the idea of getting married.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t want to get married, have kids and a family, it’s just the path towards these ideas that somehow throws me into this black hole of recurring doubts.
I’m in a relationship now and from the way I see our relationship, eventually it will lead to marriage. However I’m skeptical, not because I don’t love him or he doesn’t love me. But rather will the love pull us through marriage, staying together, paying the house together, have kids together and be good parents together. Somehow, I’m just not sure if we’re capable of that.
Marriage is not a game. As much as you need love for 2 persons to stay together, marriage requires more than love. You need a more potent concoction of commitment, patience, understanding and effective communication. A marriage will never work without these, these are vital ingredients to a happy marriage. That is exactly what I’m worried about. I’m not exactly or 100% convinced that we have enuff of that concoction to start a family.
To every woman, marriage is always a risk. Some will marry a nice family husband, some to a wife-beating husband, while some to a rich successful but commits adultery. Is there ever a perfect man? The answer is no, there will never be this perfect man. But all I’m asking is a man like my dad. He’s not rich, but he’s always nice to my mum. He’s patient with her farnie temperament sometimes, he is always patient with us. He’s funny too, but most importantly, he is a devoted family man that is faithful to my mum and our family.
Will I ever marry a man like my dad who treats me like a gem? Will my family be a happy one? Too many questions and too many doubts…I’m running again…
Inspirations……..
How often is it that you become inspired and simply deciding it was all over?
Well, honestly, inspirations comes fairly quickly and vanish fairly quickly before you can say “I’m inspired!”
The truth is, we often get great ideas and great inspirations along the way, but how often is it that we actually take some action on? I’m guilty to say that I’ve acted on none of any of my inspirations. I’m so far only competent of advising others to act on their inspirations. How ironic huh? Haha…oh well, it’s me really.
Perhaps like me, many people always find themselves in the position of a “procrastinator” rather than a position of a “do-er”. I myself must confess that I more incline to stand towards a “procrastinator” than a “do-er”, especially when it comes to bigger things that affect a lot more things or people other than myself. Does it mean that I fear taking risks or extreme measures to attain something? Sometimes I wonder, is this a classic example of being a coward? Scardey cat? Bochup? Or Kiasee?
Haha…I do wonder but I guess growing up as a typical Singaporean does somehow affect our decisions to be more willing take risks. I must admit, 3 and a half years in Australia din exactly changed much of that I suppose.
So there, is inspiration more like an idea or is it more like a motivational talk that one can give to another, hopefully this would reach out and hit someone on the head to make a difference?
I hardly believe so, in fact I feel that the only way to feel inspired is to do something about and feel the immediate effects. Once you lose the meaning of the effects, you lose interest and go back to the starting line. Perhaps perseverance would be a better aid in such a scenario? Perhaps, perhaps…
Baseline, no one can live your life. You want to change, you want to improve, you want to make a difference, YOU will have to do it yourself. Inspiration is just an excuse to get you going. But it is only you that can take things into your own hands and do something!A simple analogy, you reap what you sow!
Feel inspired? Do something now! = p
Back In Phil
Yes, I’m back to Phil again for another month. So dreading this but I keep reminding myself that it’s only for a month, and after that, I’ll be back home for good!!!!No more travel!!!!
Anyway, last night was dreadful, I had a different hotel room this time and the arrangement of the room was different from my previous stay. So I’m not exactly used to it as yet. Sigh…could sleep well at all last nite. And I woke up so early in the morn too! Sheeshh…why can’t we do the dynamic conversion from sg??????*wails*
Anyway I’m so hoping that everything will go well this month. I’ll be quite alone here for my last week before not all of us are scheduled to be around at the same time. So, I’ll basically be quite alone for the last week. But since it’s the last week…Think I’ll just bear with n pull it through once n for all huh?
It’s only 10am now and I’m feeling sleepy. Wondering how I can pull thru the day! *sigh*
Last weekend was fun, went to prawning at pasir ris park with my family. It was fun and enjoyable. It’s nice to spend some quality family time sometimes, it makes my parents happy! =D
Oh, and I watched Batman Begins too! Not a bad show actually, one of the better batman show that I’ve seen so far. I’ll recommend it if you’re those super hero kinda show person. =)
Rainy Day
Rain greeted me this morning on the way to work. The day started very early for me because there was an 8am conference meeting this morning….Boy am I sleepy now, esp after lunch.
Today one of our regional head is also treating us to get-together session over at Lau Pat Sat. No idea why that place, but I think its because some people actually suggested satay so they decided that Lau Pat Sat was the “best” place I guess.
Anyway I’m rather tired today because I din sleep well last nite due to the whole anticipation thingy and so I’m kinda “drowsy” rite now..So I’m not exactly looking forward to the whole dinner idea…Just want to go home and rest…*yawnzzzzzzzzz*
Wasn’t exactly given a choice to be honest, they simply signed me on without asking if I was free…sigh…gd n bad lar…shows that my colleagues actually do enjoy my company..hahaha..
Well I’ll try to update again if possible on the happenings….so sleepy now…cant think…Help…!
Nice comfy weather for an afternoon nap.....
ZzzZzzzZzzzz……………………
Samsung E720C
Yes...I've finally converted myself from an avid Nokia phone user to a Samsung Fun Club member...Haa...
I've gotten my first ever Samsung flip-fone! *Big grinz*
This fone is really sleek and classy and I.....LOVE IT!!!
Hee...it is really a female phone...I mean...guys might find it too small? And the greatest thing is I've got it only for 300 bucks..Hee...had some great savings there actually.
Overall I'm quite contented with my purchase, except I have to start learning how to sms all over again..esp when I'm so used to Nokia style already. Well...we'll give it sometime before I become a sms pro again! =D
I did some reading up before buying this phone, was a'lil apprehensive at first cos of the few reviews I read earlier...but soon I realised that the one that I'm buying is a new improved model, so I guess most of the so called "missing" features were improved and added in. Not bad huh? =)
Okee...I'll haf to admit that I'm rather excited...New fone mah...I've been wanting a similar model for quite some time now...and to get it at such a good price was a further bonus!!! Yay!!!! =D
Okay now...shall end my excitement here for now...Till the next update!!!!
Weekend....
It's Friday afternoon and I'm bored like hell. Not because I've got nothing to do but I'm bored to death trying to read documenetation provided by our "potential" client for a two day demo next week....These are some heavy stuffs man, making me so sleepy as if I'm on medication.....ZzzZzzzZzzzz...
The office is awfully quiet today, not that it's any surprise but we've got alot of pple MIA. On leave, MC, some dunno where "Patterning". LOL...I guess that's office life for me..
I'm really bored yet I dunno what to blog about really, no mood. As I think of next weekend drawing...I feel extremely SIANZ. Another round of packing, unpacking, overcooked vegs, endless waiting for inconsiderate pple and endless mountain of work...can u blame me for not looking forward? -_-"
Haizz....maybe I shld get back to "reading". Thank goodness I've got my mp3 player with me...else I cannot imagine!!!!!!
Cynic
It’s mid-week…Yay!!!!
Well…in a good way, the weekend is coming…but in a bad way, I’ve got another 1 n a half weeks in SG…going back to Phil again…not that I hate that place or something…but I do dread the frequent traveling in and out. Also, working there is simply no life…it’s really just work, hotel, work, hotel and you hardly talk much outside work related issues with you colleagues and u face them every morn, every afternoon and every nite….the cycle continues…Until you fly back on Friday and then it’s back to the same mono lifestyle again on Sunday…dreadful man…boring, boring and boring…NO LIFE!
Well, looking on the bright side, I’ll have to endure one more month of such nonsense and I’m back again…I hope time can be fast forwarded during that period. =D
Okay, enuff of boring stuffs. Let’s discuss some office gossips…Recently one of our supposed most eligible bachelor, say Mr X has hooked up with one of our intern(who have already left) from Indonesia. Well, she’s the daughter of our Indonesia head office director, and somehow she was given the opportunity of internship in our head office in Singapore. Apparently she is studying in Holland and is at her last year and has gone back for her graduation this week. We’ll call her Ms Y.
Okay…so…Mr X is 33 and Ms Y is 21…great difference in age here thus the “discussions” It’s a whole 12 years to be exact. I mean…imagine, he’s already in Pri 6 and she’s just a new born. This sets us to a question “Does age matter?”
Let’s analyze this in an un-prejudiced point of view. Let’s see…what do women want in a relationship? Generally speaking, love? Money? Care & concern? I guess the basics would definitely to feel loved and secure in the relationship rite?
Now, let’s go to the men. What do men want in a relationship? Is it love? Someone pretty to boast your ego? Sex? Or Big boobs even? Unfortunately I can’t answer that question, but I guess despite the idea of “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder” and that “Beauty is only skin deep”, which men would not want a pretty ger to hold hands with huh?
So, if 2 people can provide these “needs” to each other, does age still matter? I mean, which ger would not want a successful man with career, a car and definitely money to spend on her, buy her stuffs, pamper her with gifts and chauffeur her around? And which guy, if you are that desperate at a certain age, not want a young pretty ger to be by your side and make you the envy of your peers? It’s a vicious cycle of what I need and what you can provide.
Maybe I’m being too cynical here…but I guess we all have our needs huh?
Life's a Stage...
It is another Tuesday….
It is also after lunch and I’m seriously feeling sleepy…again. The sleeping bug has once again resurfaced and taken over my body…hahaha….I am already babbling nonsense…
Well, it’s been a boring day basically. Nothing much has been done as yet, been trying to read a 266 pages of RFQ from a potential client since yesterday. However I’m still at page 122…I’ve still got 144 pages to go…wish me luck.
Anyway, I’ve also discovered that the road to becoming n consultant is far from being easy. I mean…okay, there’s no short cut to any route of success. I’ll admit that through the course of it all, it is filled with vicious back-stabbing colleagues, demanding bosses, racisms and not forgetting all…the fight up the corporate ladder…
This brings me to a point…How much does climbing up the corporate ladder mean to one? I mean…is it the money? Is it the status? Or simply the satisfaction that you beat all to be on top of the ladder?
Look at my boss for example. She’s obviously rich cos she stays in a big house, the husband is a pilot and she drives a BMW. I don’t know her exact age…but I think she looks good for her age. However, both her and her husband apparently do not have kids. This was a consensus agreement between the couple to not have kids….well…at least that’s the story I heard…
Anyway, my boss never fails to be the first to arrive in the office and potentially the last to leave the office as well. For the past 6 mths, I’ve never seen her come late or even be close to being late…cos if you dun see her by the time you are in the office…it means she’s on leave or at a meeting or something. I mean seriously, she is really what I call a typical workaholic. I once envied her, I mean a woman of her status and her class. It’s like you have loads of money and have no worries in the world…oh well..maybe work…but den again, how often do bosses need to be stressed out and worry about work anyway? All they ever need to do is to dial your extension over the phone, summon you into the office for a briefing and the burden is off their backs immediately u leave through their office door. How nice huh? To be a boss.=D
The truth is, your entire life revolves around work, is that really what life is all about? Money, status and work?
I’ve given some thought about it and I feel the uncertainty to what I am pursuing right now. I too must admit that having power and money is of course an attractive idea, but the truth is, is that really what I want? Or is it some form of conditioned dream that has been so beautifully drawn into our minds since childhood? But let’s take a look at reality, if you can be rich and “powerful”, can u bring all the money and feel the same way when you are lying six feet underground? Something to think about people…..whether u r rich, or u r poor…life’s but a stage. When the curtain closes, your shows over.
So irregardless of your status in life…we all have a common point towards the end of our story…”The End”
A lit teacher once told me during my secondary school years that since life is like a stage performance, we should all make full use of our time on stage and remember that we can always make a difference out of the experience and bring it “back-stage.” This is something more valuable than any riches in the world!
Looking back…I’d never have agreed more to that…we should live life to the fullest! =D
Office
Somehow it feels good to be back in the office today. The main joy was that there is now an official knock off time….hahaha…yes…now I can officially knock off without having to wait for other team members and then decide if we should have dinner, worry about the traffic and worry about work. Seriously, it is a good time to take a break from all these and be back to home sweet home. I can leave office on time at 5.30 if I want to…or I can wait till at most 6 before everyone else would have left so there’s no pt staying back. It feels good to be back in sg and eating the food here now…Phil food is really not that appetizing sometimes…at least that was what we felt about the catered lunch we have every afternoon in the office. The restaurants that we visit seem to provide better food, but then again…at a higher cost…but oh wells, lately because of the rain, we hardly step out of our hotel…it’s always the jap restaurant downstairs…sigh….
Anyway I’m really glad to be home man…although for only 2 weeks..it’s still beta den nothing…
Another month is that dreadful place…I will be home for good!!!!Yay…which brings me to another point…we might be having an external project coming…might involve china and US too…so…I’m a lil apprehensive on that idea…traveling is really that tiring…so..we’ll see wat is installed for me..=)
Well…office is still quite quiet today….some on leave, some on mc..blar blar…I’m contemplating to take some myself…been real exhausted…haha…
Well…as I’m going through some documents for work…can’t help but counting down. Heehee…it’s 45 minutes more to go…yay!!!!Hee..=p
Home Sweet Home
I'm flying flying home for a break from travelling today...although it's a short 2 weeks...it's still good enuff I guess...It hasn't been all fun travelling to and fro like that for...around 7 weeks now..sheeshh...tiring tiring tiring...
Well..I'm glad there will be a break from travelling...
Perhaps it's a good time for me to do some shopping too. Still contemplating to take leave to do some shopping..hahaha...will c how things go.
Sigh...fares hike for transport again...I'm already earning shit and with all the increase in expenses...I tink I'll need another few more years to save up man...haizz..sad...
A Looonnnng Day....
It's another time of the week where we will have to leave the hotel at 6.30am in the morn and reach the office before 7. This is because, thanks to the "innovative" idea of the Phil Gov to claim that for every car ending with a certain digit in the car license plate, this vehicle will not be allowed to travel from 7am to 7pm on the road for a particular day. This idea was introduced so as to reduce the traffic flow, however, the people usually workaround it and actually own two cars to alternate. BUMMER!
So my question is...WAT'S THE DIFFERENCE????-_-" It's a silly rule if you ask me.
Anyway our van number ends with 8, so thursday is the day we will have a looooonnnnngggg and tiring day. *Sigh*
It's been a tiring week actually. Not as tiring as before but still tiring...LOL..(think my brain's still in storage =p)
Anyways, I'm still recovering from some scary throat infection of some sort since last week. It's the longest "sore throat" I've had so far...getting abit worried as to why its not yet fully recovered, but we'll see how it goes or maybe I'll just go for the blood test like the doctor suggested...*shrugs*
So...this is the last week for UAT. So far so good, I think I have confidence in my users =)
Anyway I know I shouldn't be blogging so early in the morning....cos my brain is just not really in gear right now...I just need to wake myself up a lil...
We'll see if I might continue later yar? =D
