A Needed Pep Talk
I was caught by surprise when my MD asked me for a coffee session this morn.
MD: “Are u free for about half an hour for a coffee session?”
Me : “Er…I think I should be alright…”
With that….we sat down at the food court downstairs and we started talking.
And so, he started thanking me that he appreciates me being so patient with the company and all blar blar…and that he will get arrangements to try and put me on a project on a permanent basis soon….in the next 3 mths.
I was rather taken aback, as if he can read my mind and know about my intentions to fly?
The truth is, recently I’ve started looking around for other opportunities. I’ve actually gotten myself 2 interviews pending after my trip.
I’m just happy to hear that really, but that’s about another 3 more months. If he’s telling the truth, it’s great news for me, but if he’s not, I’m gonna be back to sq one. The question now is, should I take the risk to leave ornot?
But I do appreciate the fact that he takes time out to find out what I really want as a career advancement…..it’s nice to know u’re being appreciated too? That is exactly what I need now…
*bah*
Labels: happy
Counting down...
Officially 2 days to the start of my holidays.....
Yes!!!!!!!!I'm really looking forward!
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
This is a good break for me to find back my focus, reshuffle my life a little and sort out the little "confusions" that I've been having with about work and love life.
Having spent some time thinking about things and collecting my thoughts....I think I have a rough idea on what I'm looking for....They prob need some sorting out. Hopefully this break can bring me new revelations and give me new aspirations. I do need them....
2 days and counting....oops...did I already mentioned that?Heehee....2 days and counting!!!!!!!!!hahahahahah
Labels: happy
Focus
Have had a loooooooooong week.
So many things to remember and so many things to do……the lists goes on yet I do not see the purpose of my work. It seems as if I have misplaced my focus somewhere.
Although I feel I’m on the path of “recovery” through my current lows of my life….I know that I need to relocate my focus again. I need to find my focus back badly.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve had some revelations to my current situation. Perhaps it’s my character or my personality, but I feel that once I don’t have a sense of belonging or sense of satisfaction to anything….I lose my focus and interest in it.
To summarize, I don’t think I quite like my new job. I don’t like the environment, I don’t like the culture and I definitely have no sense of belonging.
I’ve had a few chats with some people in my line as I “pour” my concerns to them. The feedback I got was…..consulting line is usually like that……etc etc.
So this is when I start questioning myself, if I don’t like such an environment, am I not suitable for consulting line? I don’t know the answer honestly…..because I feel I dunno myself anymore. I used to have a direction, I used to have a focus. But now…..I’m lost.
Despite the fact that I took an IT degree blindly and getting into an IT field blindly, I sorta decided what area I wanted to pursue when I did a few “temp” jobs when I graduated. I was determined and I got my “starting point”. Thou it wasn’t easy….I was happy. It was like a new starting point for me towards my goal. And so I was contented and determined to get the best out of it.
Time passed and things change. I guess for many people, u really can’t find a place with no politics and that everyone’s just ever so nice. There’s bound to be personality clashes, bound to be certain differences. With the dynamics of people changing, I grew a tad frustrated with my previous company. Thou the boss was great and all, an offer sorta came in at the right time, right moment. I took it for the attractive pay and not to deny, “the branding” as well.
Unfortunately, I have not been happier at all. I feel even more alone here. And I’m starting to regret. Was it a wrong move? Or was I simply in the wrong field? I’m thinking of a career change but I’m not sure if that’s even a good idea.
On the scarier side of things….I’m just worried I’m falling into those…”I’m never satisfied” kinda person.
Is that a bad thing?
Labels: thots
Low...
So many things have happened for the past 2 weeks….
My cousin’s death is still lingering at the back of my mind…seeing my fray auntie of 80 years going through the demise of her youngest son is heart wrenching….
Almost immediately after the funeral I fell ill…again…the lack of sleep n the uber cold aircon at the Singapore casket totally didn’t help….
The flu bug was so extremely persistent that I’m still not fully recovered until today. Whenever I step into office, my nose gets blocked. I starting to suspect if I’m actually allergic to my office rather than being sick…..
Work hasn’t been perfect as well. I’m having so much second thoughts abt joining this firm that I feel so torn between a job switch or to stay put. This job doesn’t give me any job satisfaction at all and I just feeling I’m wasting my time with them…yet I don’t want to seem like a job hopper. I’m so torned!
At home….. I’ve recently found new revelations that everyone around me takes me so much for granted to such a huge degree…..
I just feel so alone right now. Like everyone expects me to do this to do that. At home, I’m the big sister. I’m suppose to takecare of my brother, make sure he’s on the right track blar blar…when my dad is not around, I’m suppose to takecare of my mum as well. Should anything be wrong….i’m at fault! No matter what happens!
With OML, I’m expected to think of his priorities above mine….y? cos he wears the pants?
And through everything else….when I do sacrifice my priorities…nobody appreciates…they think it’s something I ought to do. Simply cos I’m the eldest? Cos I’m the gf…and cos I’m the best friend? It’s so hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations of me….
Perhaps I dun need a break…I simply need some ME time…..
Escape....
I’m feeling really lost right now.
Blocked nose, freezing aircon.
Here I am, feeling real crappy abt everything around me.
My job. My family. My love life.
Sometimes I just want to escape. Escape to a place where I can clear my head and just be me for awhile. No expectations, no obligations.....
Could be the stress or could be PMS working....but.....
I just want to run away and escape for now…
Rants
My weekend was a sorrowful one….
My cousin’s family has decided to pull the plug last Friday night. It was a difficult decision but I think it was the best for him….
A funeral was held and he was cremated yesterday. May his soul rest in peace in the arms of God. You will be missed.
******
My whole weekend was a whirl….not enough sleep had resulted in me falling ill….yet again….I know. Been quite weak lately, dunno what’s been going on with me….
Didn’t feel like talking much today. But the first thing my MD spoke to me this morning was about my leave. I dunno if he’s hinting me to change my leave or that he’s really concerned about the client.
“They are quite concerned about the knowledge transfer of the project…..”
I gave him a blank look “ Oh but I thought they are providing 1 week support?”
“Yes, but they would like to do the knowledge transfer then….”
I’m actually quite upset about this news. Firstly, they did not inform me of any timeline or whatsoever for the knowledge transfer. Secondly, do I look like some beck n call who has no life and always waiting for blardey instructions on a last minute basis?
I’m so sticking on my reason of leave- To attend a friend’s wedding overseas. That’s not exactly true but I have had to have a good reason else I’m sure such “expectations” would occur.
I.Am.Not.Cancelling.My.Leave. Period.
Shocking news...
I just received a phonecall from my mum....
I was told my cousin fainted and the doctor proclaimed him brain dead.
Thus they expect my aunt and family to donate his organs out immediately.
With the recent debate of the Hota in the newspapers....I never expect this to happen to my family....
I'm still in a state of shock because he was alright during the CNY visits...this is just too sudden....
