Thots
Feeling kinda bummed out these days.
I think my body is still somewhat recovering from the recent rushed travels.
Feeling rather lethargic to do much…even shopping!!! Yes…you’ve heard me right…it’s amazing...but it’s so true.
Ever since the start of the GSS, I have yet shopped for anything and not to mention bought anything…
They say GSS has brought in a new high of 27% sales in the first month…hmmm….and I have contributed 0% to that.
Should I be proud? LoL! With all the recent hikes in living standard...perhaps I should.
Sometimes I wonder how true all the news articles are. All starting from 7% GST to property prices hikes, petrol hikes, utilities hikes etc etc…can Singaporeans still spend so much when living standards have gone up so much except our wages? It’s amazing how propaganda can make believe a lot of assumptions….
I’m wondering if this is a bad year to decide to get married…with all the hikes happening and stuffs…well...too late to regret now isn’t it?
Shall look forward to a better start! J
Labels: thots
I can sleep tonight...
Have had a really crazy week. Haven’t had a good night sleep for a long time.
I was troubled because of
her apparently and very demoralized.
But a lot of things have since been sorted out now so I can only pray that things can carry on smoothly from now. Really…I can only pray…
Amidst all the project timelines and issues solving…I received a call from an ex colleague.
He’s just gotten a new job offer, a manager position in fact, from a global American company. He’s been tasked to recruit an internal pioneer team so he approached me to join him.
At this present juncture that I’m in…it’s a really tough decision. I had just joined this company not long. And although I had to face this shitty client, I felt happier compared to my previous company. But having worked well together before and having the boundless opportunities in this global company, I am tempted, very tempted to join him.
The only barrier? My conscience.
It’s always been a problem for me. I don’t want to leave purely because of the b****h as it speaks a lot about my ability to tackle problems or rather, lack of it. And I don’t want to leave whilst I am only here for barely 3 months. It reflects badly on my resume no? I am not a job hopper. And anyway I like it here so far, there is definitely potential.
Anyway after huge dilemmas and sleepless nights, I made that final decision. I am not gonna join my colleague. I know it’s a risk because I don’t know if I’ll ever get the golden opportunity to join a pioneer team for successive projects in an end user environment, but heck, life’s always full of risks yar?
Am I considered stupid? I leave it to your discretion…but u don’t have to tell me! LOL
Life goes on…I think I can sleep tonight….
Labels: thots, work shite
Parents
Parents have a somewhat a love-hate relationship to me. I love them to death simply because they are my parents, they watched me grow up from a noisy little punk to a mature young lady(fingers crossed) and showered me with unconditional love whenever I needed them.
Times when I hate them is when they don’t respect my privacy, go through my things without my permission and when they take me for granted and always expect me to give and never giving me the benefit of the doubt.
These days I’ve been quite busy and never had the time to sit down with them for a proper dinner. These days I often eat at the table alone….
Last night I went out with dad to get breakfast for this morning. When we were at the lobby, he looked into the mirror and sighed…
“Aiyoh…my hair is getting thinner and lots of white hair….”
I looked at him closely and I realized that my dad has indeed aged a lot….much as I hate to deny this…his perfect eyesight is now failing and he needs glasses now. I had the sudden urge to hug him real tightly and hope he never grows old.
I remember as a kid…when I was notti, my dad would threaten that he is dying blar blar blar…I will start wailing like nobody’s business. I have been closer to my dad since a kid. And whenever he feels unwell and stuffs, he will say those funny things and make me cry. I think he has a sadistic way of finding out if I cared…LOL…
Anyway, as a kid, my number one “dream” was to grow up, be a doctor/inventor and come up with some sort of immortality pill for my parents so they can live forever! Well, that didn’t go very well as u can see…I’m neither a doctor nor an inventor now, only a common striving employee like all others.
As much as I hate to admit it…. my parents will one day leave me and my brother…..I dread the day I have to face that…but life is life…whatever that has to come has to come….
I’m just not looking forward to that day….
Labels: emo, thots
A Good Day
Today I'm officially quarter century old
plus 1.
I'm starting to dislike the idea of a plus one every year...but hey...I suppose no one can run away from it?
Perhaps one day I'll be forever 25....(giggles)
Had lotsa well wishes this morning, really warmed me up despite the cold morning rain....
This year I must say that I've gone through quite abit. Some good, some bad experiences but I guess it has made me a stronger person by far.
Thanks to all for their well wishes...Although I don't normally receive lotsa pressies but the few pressies I received from my closer peepz this year are all somewhat well thot of...heee...
But the greates gift of all has got to be.....
I'll post a picture once I get home...Hee...
Keep the suspense going yar?Muahahahahaha....
Labels: emo, happy, thots
I must admit that growing up, I was an uber tv addict. I could watch tv while eating, while doing my homework…and even on the phone. These days…I could even use my laptop in front of the tv.
And when it comes to movie, I’m a self confessed movie junkie. Whether is it action, thriller, mystery or chick flick…I would never miss a hollywood blockbuster. Oh wait, I don’t watch horror movies anymore…not since the ring and the stupid Texas Chainsaw massacre I caught in Aussie. Now my new motto in catching a movie is…I will not spend money to scare myself shite!
So anyway since teen, catching a movie was almost an every weekend to-do. I would catch midnight shows or sneak previews. I collected all my movie tabs then, for memorial sake. Looking at the tabs make me remember who it was with and when. Although some of them faded with time (those printed using lousy ink), some thrown away by my mum…some…was lost when I shifted house.
I realized that I love the movies because it was some sort of escape for me…….I would be drawn into the plot and seemingly part of the story. I love the fact that for 2 hours, I don’t have to be me. I could be someone else….or simply…somewhere else…..
I’m the sort who’d get really engrossed and even cry when I feel for the characters or during a certain scene. I am not an
emo elmo for nothing yar.. ..
Anyway, the most recent movie I caught with OML was Transformers. I actually liked it and looked forward to watching it. I remember as a kid I used to watch their cartoons and play with the toys my cousins owned. I didn’t exactly grew up with girls per se….I grew up playing video games (tho I suck very much at it), watching wrestling, basketball…yes…basketball(it was quite a craze back then) and eventually soccer…
I still had my fair share of Barbie dolls and playing
masak masak though I still hang arnd a lot with my cousins doing stupid staffs…Luckily for OML…I didn’t grow up too
tomboy-ish or even ending up being a les…LOL.
Anyway Transformers brought lots of memories for me and I super duper love the show and I reckon I’m getting the DVD upon it’s release…I LUB OPTIMUS PRIME!*waves hands crazily in the air and scream*
*Ahem…recompose myself…*
Sorry, that was so bimbotic…couldn’t help it but I must admit that technology has really brought movie experience to a whole new level! Who would have thought back in the 80s when Transformers was only just a simple cartoon for kids that could evolve and come to life in the big screens!
Amazing what technology can do yar….
If my life were to ever be a movie…I wonder wat category would it be? Romance? Thriller? Mystery? Action? Chick Flick?
I’m thinking…..probably under foreign movie listing and showing only in those art house or something…because my life would have been too
komplicated for most people to understand…too foreign to them….LOL
Labels: farnie shite, thots
Haiz
Y do I always land myself in such a situation where I loathe myself being a typical Libran who doesn't seem to be able to weigh her scales and make a decision?
I so hate myself being a typical Libran now....
To leave or not to leave..that's the question.
The offer has come back to haunt me. For some reasons they have such great interest in me and raised the offer.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find myself torn again!
Sigh..I feel really shitty abt this whole thing. My MD has indeed been nice to allow me to work from home since my BP. Shld I be an ingrate and throw the letter now?
But I need to go for projects now for more exposure...no more support! But they can't promise me anything! Honestly I loathe not only my work now, I loathe my co-worker and I dun exactly have a sense of belonging here.
Pros of leaving:
1.Higher pay
2.Immediate projects-potentially to japan and korea
3.More exposure
Cons:
1.Will be leaving a bigger firm to join a smaller firm
2.My MD will hate me
3.I dunno the real reason behind their incessant offer to hire me. I hope it's a positive one...but what is it's not?
Arrghs....I really feel shitty abt this whole deal...I only have one week to consider? Someone help me plsssssssssssssssssssssss!
Labels: thots, work shite
Will I recover?
It's been 3 and a half weeks since that dreadful
discovery.
Good thing is I've had quite abit of improvements since. But yet every morning I wake up and look myself in the mirror, I seem to find myself looking at a stranger. A stranger who looks alot like me yet it's not exactly me...
My lips is still looking weird. I still have a crooked smile...almost as if I've got cleft lip or something...and my eyebrow is still a lil off...
My dad commented something to me today...he said..."You face looks different..."
Sigh...how appropriate...I know he didn't mean it...but I guess he was a tad insensitive...he might as well call me a freak perhaps?
As much as I try to deny sometimes...I cannot help but feel that he is somehow right. I really dun look quite the same as before. I'm just worried that things might never improve...and I'm gonna be stucked like this for the rest of my life...
My right face still looks "lose". It's almost as if I've had botox on the left side of my face and not on my right.
It's depressing...I've tried thinking positively about this....but it still haunts me again and again....
I can't hide from the mirror forever...
Labels: emo, thots, work shite
Appreciation is.....
Ap·pre·ci·a·tion (ə-prē'shē-ā'shən) ~ n.
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one.
3. An expression of gratitude.
4. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
5. A rise in value or price, especially over time.
(courtesy of
www.dictionary.com)
I just got OML a pairs of Oaks in preparation and celebration of his lasik op. Although it burnt a huge hole in my pocket...it's worth it for him. :)
My OML is a man of few words...actions even...lol...so..I'm not exactly sure if he likes it. I hope he does thou...
So when was the last time u showed your appreciation towards someone special?
Hmm...if it's been more than 3 months...I'd suggest maybe u'll do something todae! SO get your ass up and show them your lurvveee....or your appreciation of them for being there yar?
Now if u'd excuse me...I'll need to go save some money for my own wishlist too! Been doing quite abit of online browsing lately...heehee...a girl's gotta show herself some appreciation for being so brave through the rd to recovery?
Heh...the reasons girls gives themselves to justify for some retail therapy...wahahahahaha
Labels: emo, happy, thots
Pain
Today's accupunture session was painful. I teared.
Dunno if it's cos OML is not here with me today or that needle was much longer today.
The doc was impressed I didn't cry out, cos she said to me " Wah, you're very brave, I would have cried out."
I found her statement funny because I thot such statements were usually for kids, u know to encourage them and make them feel better. It's feels a little funny to hear her saying these things to me...a lady in her mid-twenties.
But what she didn't know...I teared when she left...it was really painful today. In fact they have become more painful with each session. I wonder if that's a good thing.
Sigh...there's still 5 more sessions to go the least...
Why must shite always happen to me?
Labels: emo, thots, work shite
When is too much?
Lately I’ve been blog surfing for quite abit….I came across some interesting blogs and noticed that while some people like to keep their life story open with pictures of themselves, their friends and family, some others, like myself, prefer to be blogging anonymously, yet sharing some parts of their personal life.
Internet has indeed brought communication to a whole new level. Now we have tools like MSN, Yahoo Messenger etc to maintain communication with your friends and family and not forgetting internet telephony, bringing people from different parts of the world closer and at the same time lowering call charges in-between.
Now as internet brought people closer, blogging is another alternative to allow others to read, understand and even see what u have been up to. Some people have even used the blog idea to start setting up their own internet business.
Now with the vast overload of information available through the internet so easily, should we feel vulnerable? Vulnerable in the sense that people might take advantage of, for the plain fact that our lives is such an open book now?
So when is information too much? Mentioning your name? Talking about your lifestyle and the people u hang around with? Pouring your heart out? Or is the posting of your pictures online the ultimate? And does your blog really reflects who u really are or is it only a mask for u to show the world who u want to be seen as?
I came across a few blogs that sorta intrigued me. Intrigued because they seemed to share certain interests of mine or perhaps the kind of lifestyle that I’d liked to have. But the question lies…do I really know who they are? Should I judge them based on their blogs or can I initiate a friendship based on that? Will that friendship blossom or last?
Perhaps I’m being skeptical, perhaps I’m being cautious…but perhaps…..I should.
Can u tell who I really am and what I'm thinking now by reading this?*wink*
Labels: emo, thots
L.O.V.E
For most of us, love is simply this butterfly feeling in your stomach whenever u see that special someone.
But is love really that simple?
The term
fall in love just sounds too dangerous isn’t it? People do literally fall to their deaths, no? Why can’t we use the term
fly in love?
hover in love, or simply…..
float in love? Why must it come with the word
fall?
I think the word LOVE is so complicated sometimes that I wonder if it’s ever worth it. Worthy for u to literally fall for it per se…
I’ve had my fair share of
falling in love and of course
falling out of it. I must say…during those
falling out experience was quite “discomforting”. My eyes was always teary, loss of appetite and worse of all, I have this really really annoying, incessant tinge of pain arnd my heart during those times. Looks like I have fallen ill u say? Well, you’re right….I was diagnosed with a heartache. A condition that no medicine in the world can ever cure.
Even so, falling in love doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows too. At times when OML hurts me so bad with his words or actions, I feel the same tinge of pain arnd my heart too. Is that part of love as well? If love is supposedly so beautiful and wonderful…why did I feel the way I did? If that’s the case, what’s the difference when u “fall in” and “fall out”?
Maybe because whenever u “fall” in love, there comes a point when there’s certain expectations from each party within the love equation. And as u both struggle to keep the balance, the scales will tip from time to time. That’s when each party have to make some adjustments and compromise to balance up the scales again.
I think love is a lethal potion, yet we fall in love ever so often, again and again n again…..and not learning our lesson?
I think love is a feeling that we can never leave without. It’s a feeling that cannot have any scientific significance that we can seek to understand or put it into theory or numbers. It’s simply just a feeling that no touch, no sight and no sound can ever explain. And yet, we depend a lot on LOVE. It’s a concoction that GOD deems essential to keep us going perhaps?
Be it parent’s love, siblings’ love, friend’s love or romantic love... it is undeniably a part of our everyday lives and it is almost impossible to ignore.
What is LOVE?
Labels: emo, thots
Hmmm....
I just heard of a project coming up in HK.
I’m desperate to leave my current assignment to join this…
That is…if I can make myself “known” to the people involved.
How can I do that?
Do a lil dance in the office? Hah!
Labels: thots, work shite
Focus
Have had a loooooooooong week.
So many things to remember and so many things to do……the lists goes on yet I do not see the purpose of my work. It seems as if I have misplaced my focus somewhere.
Although I feel I’m on the path of “recovery” through my current lows of my life….I know that I need to relocate my focus again. I need to find my focus back badly.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve had some revelations to my current situation. Perhaps it’s my character or my personality, but I feel that once I don’t have a sense of belonging or sense of satisfaction to anything….I lose my focus and interest in it.
To summarize, I don’t think I quite like my new job. I don’t like the environment, I don’t like the culture and I definitely have no sense of belonging.
I’ve had a few chats with some people in my line as I “pour” my concerns to them. The feedback I got was…..consulting line is usually like that……etc etc.
So this is when I start questioning myself, if I don’t like such an environment, am I not suitable for consulting line? I don’t know the answer honestly…..because I feel I dunno myself anymore. I used to have a direction, I used to have a focus. But now…..I’m lost.
Despite the fact that I took an IT degree blindly and getting into an IT field blindly, I sorta decided what area I wanted to pursue when I did a few “temp” jobs when I graduated. I was determined and I got my “starting point”. Thou it wasn’t easy….I was happy. It was like a new starting point for me towards my goal. And so I was contented and determined to get the best out of it.
Time passed and things change. I guess for many people, u really can’t find a place with no politics and that everyone’s just ever so nice. There’s bound to be personality clashes, bound to be certain differences. With the dynamics of people changing, I grew a tad frustrated with my previous company. Thou the boss was great and all, an offer sorta came in at the right time, right moment. I took it for the attractive pay and not to deny, “the branding” as well.
Unfortunately, I have not been happier at all. I feel even more alone here. And I’m starting to regret. Was it a wrong move? Or was I simply in the wrong field? I’m thinking of a career change but I’m not sure if that’s even a good idea.
On the scarier side of things….I’m just worried I’m falling into those…”I’m never satisfied” kinda person.
Is that a bad thing?
Labels: thots
