K for Komplexity...

Focus

Have had a loooooooooong week.

So many things to remember and so many things to do……the lists goes on yet I do not see the purpose of my work. It seems as if I have misplaced my focus somewhere.

Although I feel I’m on the path of “recovery” through my current lows of my life….I know that I need to relocate my focus again. I need to find my focus back badly.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve had some revelations to my current situation. Perhaps it’s my character or my personality, but I feel that once I don’t have a sense of belonging or sense of satisfaction to anything….I lose my focus and interest in it.

To summarize, I don’t think I quite like my new job. I don’t like the environment, I don’t like the culture and I definitely have no sense of belonging.

I’ve had a few chats with some people in my line as I “pour” my concerns to them. The feedback I got was…..consulting line is usually like that……etc etc.

So this is when I start questioning myself, if I don’t like such an environment, am I not suitable for consulting line? I don’t know the answer honestly…..because I feel I dunno myself anymore. I used to have a direction, I used to have a focus. But now…..I’m lost.

Despite the fact that I took an IT degree blindly and getting into an IT field blindly, I sorta decided what area I wanted to pursue when I did a few “temp” jobs when I graduated. I was determined and I got my “starting point”. Thou it wasn’t easy….I was happy. It was like a new starting point for me towards my goal. And so I was contented and determined to get the best out of it.

Time passed and things change. I guess for many people, u really can’t find a place with no politics and that everyone’s just ever so nice. There’s bound to be personality clashes, bound to be certain differences. With the dynamics of people changing, I grew a tad frustrated with my previous company. Thou the boss was great and all, an offer sorta came in at the right time, right moment. I took it for the attractive pay and not to deny, “the branding” as well.

Unfortunately, I have not been happier at all. I feel even more alone here. And I’m starting to regret. Was it a wrong move? Or was I simply in the wrong field? I’m thinking of a career change but I’m not sure if that’s even a good idea.

On the scarier side of things….I’m just worried I’m falling into those…”I’m never satisfied” kinda person.

Is that a bad thing?

Labels: thots

Blabbered by KaiRiNu at 4:43 PM