K for Komplexity...

Wadever!

2010-08-06T13:45:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile...

2009-01-23T16:11:00.002+08:00

Hmm...It's been that long...

Been neglecting my blog alot these days...but hey...my first entry for the new year! :)

Happy New Year to whoever still tried to visit this almost dying blog..

It's been a whirlpool of events for me for year 2008. It zoomed by so fast that I'm still a lil hesitate to admit that 2008 is over...there's still lots to accomplish I think...

Perhaps the year 2009 can do better....

Not really in the mood today actually...

I've so much to say yet nobody wants to listen...

Should I just hide somewhere in a dark corner and cry it out and be a be stronger after it?

Perhaps perhaps...

If...

2008-08-06T16:41:00.002+08:00

Unexpected fate found me walking behind a very familar couple yesterday....

It seems that it's been quite awhile I've seen them.

Both of them were my secondary school friends. Fate somehow brought them closer during Uni days...and they've been together ever since then.

Sweet couple really....

I saw a rose in her hand...so I reckon it might have been some special occassion...

Indeed, they were celebrating their 5th year together...going for a romantic dinner...

I've never had any sort of anniversay with him tho....humph! All his fault..

Would be nice to celebrate something some day isn't it? Brings back some good ole memories perhaps?

I'm an somewhat envious and jealous at the same time...hee...

Thots

2008-07-09T15:48:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda bummed out these days.

I think my body is still somewhat recovering from the recent rushed travels.
Feeling rather lethargic to do much…even shopping!!! Yes…you’ve heard me right…it’s amazing...but it’s so true.
Ever since the start of the GSS, I have yet shopped for anything and not to mention bought anything…
They say GSS has brought in a new high of 27% sales in the first month…hmmm….and I have contributed 0% to that.
Should I be proud? LoL! With all the recent hikes in living standard...perhaps I should.

Sometimes I wonder how true all the news articles are. All starting from 7% GST to property prices hikes, petrol hikes, utilities hikes etc etc…can Singaporeans still spend so much when living standards have gone up so much except our wages? It’s amazing how propaganda can make believe a lot of assumptions….

I’m wondering if this is a bad year to decide to get married…with all the hikes happening and stuffs…well...too late to regret now isn’t it?

Shall look forward to a better start! J

Hello!

2008-07-03T16:44:00.005+08:00

Hello there!

It's been a long time since huh?

I've been travelling alot lately so I've had so little time for myself.....I haven got the opportunity to go for the GSS yet!

And weekends are either spent overseas or running errands for our wedding in Nov.

People usually say money not enough...but time is not enough for me as well...

As I count down to our big day...officially 4 months and 26 days to go...I still feel things have not quite sunk in yet...

Anyway...here's some to share from japan...Beef tongue!!! We had quite a shock when the waitress gave us an english menu on our second trip and we realised everything on their menu is beef tongue...exotic?

Since it was late...we simply went ahead and decide to have ice cream to throw our minds off it later...Ha!

Signs

2008-05-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

I need some signs...Or are those the signs?

To Be....

2008-04-21T16:11:00.002+08:00

I haven't had much time nor the mind to blog lately.

My days been filled with illnesses, work travels and wedding plans....

It's still kinda surreal to know that I'll be a MRS in title in less than a year's time...I'm still trying to get used to this idea and to really take in the "I Do" process.

We've sorted the venue and the date finally. Now's it's a whole lot of others...

Hmm...will update soon when I've the time...

Till then...keep smiling!

The Man

2008-03-12T14:53:00.002+08:00

Attended my brother's POP(Passing out parade)yesterday.

It was my first experience stepping into Pulau Tekong. The place did look like some 3-star beach resort in some ways...haha.

I think it's a huge improvement from the government since my dad's days in the army.

Seeing the whole parade performance did made me feel proud of my brother. I believe this experience has really made him a better person.

The part where parents were suppose to put on their caps as a mark of "graduation" was kinda touching. The couple sitting in front of us received a letter from their son and I saw tears in their eyes while reading it. Touching scene really...

I hope the 2 years of national service would really make my brother The Man that I hoped he can turn out to be.

Although how irrelevant or how lame some guys claim the experience to be, I believe somehow it does make a difference ultimately. I think I'd be happy in future to send my son into national service in future...I think...haha.

Outsider

2008-03-08T12:12:00.001+08:00

Today I felt like an outsider again.

Maybe I'm really not part of this family anymore.

Sigh.....

Me, Myself and I?

2008-01-15T20:10:00.000+08:00

There are days when I question myself….why is it never about me?

Perhaps I had earned myself some pretty bad karma my past life…that’s why in this lifetime, I have to pay back all my “debts”.

I had a pretty bad start with my parents this year. No idea why…but there are days when I can’t help thinking myself if I have given them too much of “myself”.

I’ve always tried to be a filial daughter. I’ve always tried to put my family above myself. I have always strive to be the independent and sensible daughter. Although I must admit I might have done some worrying things in my teenage years…I have never been rebellious…I suppose no one’s ever perfect?

Even now that I’m in my mid-twenties, I still make a point to come back for dinner every week night to make sure they dun feel abandoned or lonely now that my brother is now in the army.

I’ve always pushed aside appointments with friends or colleagues for them. Of cos I do weigh my appointments, on important occasions, I’d expect my parents to understand. But even until today if I’m not home by 10.30pm, my parents will still call to remind me that I’ve got work tomorrow. For someone of my age, I feel embarrassed sometimes…but yet…I let them be out of respect becos I know they did what they did cos they cared…

Whatever my brother does can never be compared to mine. Whenever I’m sick, I’m expected to go see doc myself, take my own medicine. Even when I help out arnd the house, I’m never appreciated. And whenever my bro need to run some errands, they’re always pronto abt it. If he needs to go somewhere, they’ll fetch him there. But when I need their help for some things to be done, they never remember….I always end up getting it done myself anyway…

When my parents accuse me of not caring enough for my brother, I was crushed. I didn’t show enough care and concern because I don’t fetch him to and fro camp? Becos I’ve dun polish his boots for him? Or becos I don’t take his medicine to him when he is ill?

What abt me when I was sick? Who cared about me? Who showered me with love and care? And who brought me to the doc every single day on my days of bell’s palsy? None of my family did…My brother didn’t even asked me if I was alright…

Was it because I’m the eldest in the family I shld understand why nobody cared? Is it because I am the big sister so I should sacrifice more for my family?

I love my brother too. But I dun believe in pampering him. Becos this will only lead him to be too dependent on others and not on himself. He will grow up to be a man someday and he will need to takecare of himself and his family. I didn’t have a big sister nor a big brother growing up, but I did ok didn’t I? I had to learn it the hard way so I expect him to do the same. He can come to me if he needs help or need someone to talk to, but in my opinion, you’ll never be able to learn if u are not given the opportunity to. I guess my parents can never understand that….

I’m really tired of thinking for others, understanding and even finding excuses for others. Why can’t I be selfish for once? Why can’t the world revolve arnd me some day…why can’t others try to understand what I want. Why can’t I do or get what I want?

I’m tired of being understanding….I’m tired of being taken for granted all the time…

What can’t it be ME?

I would really love to have my own place one day. So I can have my own rules instead of getting nagged or criticized for everything I do. I'm really tired...

When can I ever be free?

Blogging Absence

2008-01-08T16:28:00.000+08:00

It’s been awhile…

Been really busy with work, too busy to blog and perhaps…okay…fine…I admit…I’m too lazy to blog these days…don’t know why but I just seemed to lost that spark.

With the beginning of year 2008, I found that even with a short 8 days into the new year, I seemed to have grown a lot!

Although my life is still as mundane, still a boring as ever, there are times I genuinely would like to do something different! But procrastination has always been my best pal! Perhaps I should break ties with procrastination as part of my new year resolution?
Bah…new year resolution never works! Well…at least for me! Hee…

Anyway do not fear, this blog is not abt my new year resolutions. I don’t keep them anymore since I’m not able to achieve half of them most of the time. Let this be an update to what’s been happening in my life since the dawn of 2008?

Hmm…well…one of the more important event right now would be that OML and I have decided to take the next step into our relationship. We don’t have any concrete plans as yet to be honest, we don’t really know where to start even. So we’re gonna take a step now and see what happens. Any kind advice? Haha.

I think I had quite abit to swallow with the dawn of the new year. The sudden revelation that I am really old enough to get married. And perhaps in a few years time, maternal instincts probably gonna kick in…sheesh…a lot to think abt perhaps?

My parents has been really weird these days too. Had abit of squabble with my parents on new year’s day….totally broke my heart. With my brother recently enlisted, it seems they are too overly protected….sigh...

There are just times when I feel rather lonely. Not physically but emotionally…like there’s no one else who could really understand…
Hmm…another good news. A close fren of mine is ready to pop the question! So exciting! Really happy to see that he’s found the right girl! I wish him all the best here…

Merry Xmas to all!!

2007-12-24T14:54:00.000+08:00

Xmas has always been one of my favourite holidays!!!! With Xmas carols ringing in the air, people rushing to complete their shopping list, parties galore and of cos, my all time favourite-unwrapping of presents!!!! The xmas mood is just so infectious.

Unfortunately due to the work this year, I haven’t had time at all to complete my shopping list. Not even for myself. So somehow, I haven quite gotten the hang of the festive season…

I didn’t do any xmas shopping much this year and it’s already Xmas eve!!! And I haven’t exactly seen all the lights down Orchard rd either. Sigh…

This Xmas is happening too fast for me this year…

Anyways I hope you are having a better Xmas than me!

Merry Xmas and a really happy new year!!!!!

Sigh

2007-12-05T17:15:00.000+08:00

I had hoped for a white xmas with OML….

Unfortunately everything is not going as expected. My whole Korea project schedule is messed up. Our team has zero morale right now…

So all my plans are also down the drain…

Damn that woman again!
ARGGHSSSSSSSSSSSS

Missing...

2007-11-26T16:02:00.000+08:00

Geez, time flies...

It's been almost a month since my last update.

Been rather busy. This picture taken from a small park beside my client's office...Looks surreal doesn't it? Like a picture out of a movie....So quiet....so peaceful....I like...:)

Overall the trip was nice. Really tiring....but nice.Korea is almost winter now. I don't exactly enjoy extreme cold weather, but this was a nice change...Loved the food too!

A change of environment was good. Overall the Korean counterparts seemed alot nicer than my SG client...I don't even want to start with the crazy woman...

Well...until my next update! :)

I can sleep tonight...

2007-11-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

Have had a really crazy week. Haven’t had a good night sleep for a long time.
I was troubled because of her apparently and very demoralized.

But a lot of things have since been sorted out now so I can only pray that things can carry on smoothly from now. Really…I can only pray…

Amidst all the project timelines and issues solving…I received a call from an ex colleague.

He’s just gotten a new job offer, a manager position in fact, from a global American company. He’s been tasked to recruit an internal pioneer team so he approached me to join him.

At this present juncture that I’m in…it’s a really tough decision. I had just joined this company not long. And although I had to face this shitty client, I felt happier compared to my previous company. But having worked well together before and having the boundless opportunities in this global company, I am tempted, very tempted to join him.

The only barrier? My conscience.

It’s always been a problem for me. I don’t want to leave purely because of the b****h as it speaks a lot about my ability to tackle problems or rather, lack of it. And I don’t want to leave whilst I am only here for barely 3 months. It reflects badly on my resume no? I am not a job hopper. And anyway I like it here so far, there is definitely potential.

Anyway after huge dilemmas and sleepless nights, I made that final decision. I am not gonna join my colleague. I know it’s a risk because I don’t know if I’ll ever get the golden opportunity to join a pioneer team for successive projects in an end user environment, but heck, life’s always full of risks yar?

Am I considered stupid? I leave it to your discretion…but u don’t have to tell me! LOL
Life goes on…I think I can sleep tonight….

B***H

2007-10-23T15:41:00.000+08:00

I love my job but I hate the client.

Is it communication? Is it the culture? Or is it the environment?

She is extremely unreasonable and extremely childish!

What is the best way to deal with such person? Passive? Proactive? Submissive? Or Aggressive?

I am so at loss….

My current team is very small. Only myself and my PM(Project manager). To be honest, I wasn’t even suppose to be on this project. Their Singapore and Malaysia site had gone live but they still had some issues which caused quite abit of chaos from the previous consultant.

Their next rollout stop is to be Korea, Japan and Thailand. These destinations sound rather tempting don’t u think? It was to me initially, but my boss had wanted me to only settle their issues and assign me to another project.

Ironically, this client requested that I stay for their rollout. It was mixed feelings for me because she is one tough neck to handle.

I don’t mind demanding customers, to me, everyone has the right to be demanding, knowing what u want. But to be unreasonable and childish totally puts me off. And I hate the fact that she loves to threaten us by emphasizing that she is the paying client yada yada..

She thinks she’s shopping in a mall and that we’re all subjected to her requests without any questions asked! Not forgetting that we’re all her slaves just because she’s our client. She easily forgets that we’re all working professionals. If she’s so damn freaking good herself, why don’t she do the whole project herself?

She can’t handle her part of her task but yet blatantly put the entire blame on us. Is she a b***h or what? We are supposed to be in Korea for a demo last week, but cos of her, everything have to be shelved at the very last minute.

And that caused a lot of other shite to surface. I’m pissed because nobody wants to handle her and expects me to do it.

ARGHS!!!!!!!!!!!

Now…even my PM has resigned. Dooms day is so coming for me…

Parents

2007-10-05T11:38:00.000+08:00

Parents have a somewhat a love-hate relationship to me. I love them to death simply because they are my parents, they watched me grow up from a noisy little punk to a mature young lady(fingers crossed) and showered me with unconditional love whenever I needed them.

Times when I hate them is when they don’t respect my privacy, go through my things without my permission and when they take me for granted and always expect me to give and never giving me the benefit of the doubt.

These days I’ve been quite busy and never had the time to sit down with them for a proper dinner. These days I often eat at the table alone….

Last night I went out with dad to get breakfast for this morning. When we were at the lobby, he looked into the mirror and sighed…

“Aiyoh…my hair is getting thinner and lots of white hair….”

I looked at him closely and I realized that my dad has indeed aged a lot….much as I hate to deny this…his perfect eyesight is now failing and he needs glasses now. I had the sudden urge to hug him real tightly and hope he never grows old.

I remember as a kid…when I was notti, my dad would threaten that he is dying blar blar blar…I will start wailing like nobody’s business. I have been closer to my dad since a kid. And whenever he feels unwell and stuffs, he will say those funny things and make me cry. I think he has a sadistic way of finding out if I cared…LOL…

Anyway, as a kid, my number one “dream” was to grow up, be a doctor/inventor and come up with some sort of immortality pill for my parents so they can live forever! Well, that didn’t go very well as u can see…I’m neither a doctor nor an inventor now, only a common striving employee like all others.

As much as I hate to admit it…. my parents will one day leave me and my brother…..I dread the day I have to face that…but life is life…whatever that has to come has to come….

I’m just not looking forward to that day….

:)

2007-09-29T13:43:00.000+08:00

My schedules have been so packed these days there's almost no room for a breather....

But still...it has been a good week for me. :)

Haven't gotten quite used to the plus 1 yet, I still need to stop and ponder to think about how old I actually am when people ask...hahaha...

As a continuation from my previous post...this year amzingly I had a good bdae. Not too much dramas like those before...perhaps God is being kind to me having had quite a rough year...

My sweet brother gave me a clover leaf lucky charm in the form of a cute handphone accessory, and my ex colleagues from way back gave me a nice off-white Esprit bag. But like I mentioned before...the best pressie of all has got to be....----->

My first luxury item evar!!!Courtesy of OML...:)(thanks darl!)

Now that I've been working for quite awhile now...I've been planning to get a little luxury item for myself to sorta reward myself I guess. But OML got to it first for me.

I still got quite a fair bit of items on my wishlist and I'm very much working towards getting them right now...wish me luck!

Till then...have a good weekend peepz! :)

A Good Day

2007-09-24T09:18:00.000+08:00

Today I'm officially quarter century old plus 1.

I'm starting to dislike the idea of a plus one every year...but hey...I suppose no one can run away from it?

Perhaps one day I'll be forever 25....(giggles)

Had lotsa well wishes this morning, really warmed me up despite the cold morning rain....

This year I must say that I've gone through quite abit. Some good, some bad experiences but I guess it has made me a stronger person by far.

Thanks to all for their well wishes...Although I don't normally receive lotsa pressies but the few pressies I received from my closer peepz this year are all somewhat well thot of...heee...

But the greates gift of all has got to be.....

I'll post a picture once I get home...Hee...

Keep the suspense going yar?Muahahahahaha....

Random

2007-09-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

Sheesh…Been busy busy busy. Haven’t even had time to sort out my pics from the company trip yet!

I’ve been in this new firm for about a month now. Things are quite impromptu and messy at times…but…I must say, even though I am so much busier then before, somehow I’m happier.

Seriously, amidst the occasional mess around here, I feel more at “home” here. With genuine people, genuine work and perhaps even genuine clients.(LOL)

In my job, it’s very common to move from projects to projects and meeting various people.

My current project has this very “popular” client that redefines the meaning self-centeredness. Everyone in the office(even the non-consultants) has heard of her big name. Not many people like talking to her, even my bosses. I was shifted to this project with a mission to close all the issues at hand. Apparently, she chased all the previous consultants all away….literally…

She is the most self absorbed person I have ever met in my life! She’s shorter then me (when I’m considered quite petite in size). But yet she is so much louder, so much meaner and having an excessive abundance of self-confidence.

She screams at anyone who doesn’t give her what she want. And what I cannot tolerate abt her is that she looks down on people. People whom she thinks cannot share her status. I pity those girls who work under her. They have to face her screams like almost everyday. To me, it’s almost like living with fear and sorrow each time u come to work. It’s no wonder 2 of her staffs are leaving already.

But when u see her talking to people of her status or her bosses, she’s a totally different persona. A hypocrite….

So far with a few lip-biting incidents, I still can handle her. I’m not sure how long this is going to go…but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

During a rare occasion where she is in a gd mood, like yesterday, she revealed that she wants to try pole dancing. My PM and I tried so hard to keep a cool face instead of laffing out loud yesterday. She has officially become a common joke between us. I can only imagine her trying to wriggle around the pole…WAHAHAHAHAHA…

Update!

2007-09-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

Had abit of a hiatus period lately.
Trying to relocate my focus in life and have been out a lot of things at work too!

Embarked on my new job. A new project assignment. A bitchy client. A company retreat.

This pretty much summarized my hiatus period.

So many things to do so little time. But I am happy still...in a way...

Arrived SG like 2 am this morning and back to work now. So damn blardey tired. The whole Bali trip was overall fun. Not considering really tired and having my body aching due to the incredulous kind of games the hotel pple arranged for us as part of the team building. I’ll try to post a few pictures or so once I settle in yar?

Till then peepz…Takecare!

Love Pains

2007-08-07T11:05:00.000+08:00

Heard a terrible news last night. A very close girlfriend of mine broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years….

She’s been assigned to Japan for work for a year. It’s been only a couple of months and this is the result. It’s sad because they’ve been almost a model couple for most of us. True that they may have their own issues and stuffs…but which couple doesn’t? But for the fact that distance was the ultimate push just makes me wonder if things could have been better?

To her it seems like a great opportunity to work overseas for awhile and experience a different lifestyle. To him, he wasn’t too keen with the idea but relented at her eagerness. In the end, they succumb to- DISTANCE.

I know exactly how she feels because I’ve been through the same before. I lost a great friend, a great companion and a great soul mate as a result of distance. But unlike her, I didn’t have that too many choices then. I had to. It was a regrettable decision then but there weren’t many choices to begin with. Giving up love seemed the best option then, as least for me.

Because of what I went through, I was concerned that she understand the result of her decision and not regret in future. She wasn’t too ready to talk yet I suppose, so I didn’t want to pursue much further. All she divulged was- we have more issues going on than just distance.

Distance was probably not the cause. But in my opinion, Absence is most likely the culprit, and if not, a trigger as a result of distance.

Which is why, as much as I wanted to, I didn’t leave SG to pursue a career in Aussie. I didn’t want to lose OML the same way again. But I guess men being men, he didn’t see it as a form of sacrifice, he saw it rather, as a fact of life, that a couple should never be separated…

Going back, both of them could roughly tell what was on the menu when she boarded the plane. But they took their chances and made a decision, praying that perhaps things would go a different way.

But when love gets too painful to bear, is giving up the best medication?

Phuket

2007-08-02T16:48:00.001+08:00

This was where I spent my last weekend....Loved to go back there again someday. Tomorrow will be my last day here...Boy am I happy abt it....

Haven't had to mood to blog these days....Just didn't know exactly how to put my feelings into words...

Will blog more when I get my mojo back...:)

Pissed!

2007-07-24T15:07:00.000+08:00

*****Warning: The following post contains some unpleasant vulgarities and extreme foul emotions of the author. Viewers pls read with discretion and caution. Thanks and sorry for any inconveniences caused.******

I am so angry today.

This place is so fucked up that I’m so fucking sure I’m not coming back here anymore. The mgmt sucks, the people sucks, the pay sucks and the job sucks most!

I have never felt better leaving here.

They dun value u as an individual at all. To them, you’re just any resource to them.

The past week has been real shitty. Not forgetting all the crap Mr Lamer has been giving me as well. He doubted my professionalism and tried to take advantage of me, as usual.

I am so mad right now that I can’t even put my emotions into words.

To summarize, I have been bugging for my last day confirmation but no one bothered. So I decided that as long as I finish my work(no more outstandings) and knowledge transfer to Mr Lamer, I should be good to go. So, I planned for a short break. Everything is nicely planned and paid for. Still…no one wanted to respond to me. Anyway I decided to comfirm with HR today and he told me that they have denied me to offset my leave!!!!!!!!!Why? Because they feel Mr Lamer needed more time to get used to things?

*kicks, screams and pulls hair*
I took only 2 days to take over everything from the previous guy!!!!!!!! I dun see why Mr Lamer needs such a looooooong time to get used to things? He’s been doing this with me since end of June till now…why does he need so much more time for?

And if they didn't approve, why did no one inform me? HR said he was busy. WTF?Informing me of my last day is not part of his job?How difficult is it to drop me an email so I can plan things otherwise?Lame pple everywhere!

Am so blardey pissed right now I’m like a seething dragon. I’ve planned for a short holiday since. But u know what? I’m still going ahead with my plans.

They can piss off!

Feeling good

2007-07-11T11:14:00.000+08:00

Last night I did something mean to Mr Lamer .

He’s been quite an asshole to me since this and this.

I’m not going to go into details…but most people around me whom I relate my experience to will cry the word-sexual harassment.

But the silly lamer somehow “trusts” me for some reasons. He tells me his pay scale here, his next ridiculous asking pay for a new position. I’m in no position to judge but I think Mr Lamer really does see himself too highly in my opinion. He’s trying to ask for an increment of 2k from his current pay…sheesh…he thinks he’s some gem or something? He has the same number of exp as me, although a different module but did almost the same things as me. And he’s asking for a 2k increment? Hahahaha…he never fails to amuse me, in a bad way of course. So either he’s lying abt his current pay…or that people will not even bother to entertain his ridiculous demands…either way…I doubt he’s getting it.

So yesterday night, he called to tell me he’s got an interview with my ex-boss, to my ex-company.

I couldn’t let a jerk be around my old female colleagues so I decided to make a few phonecalls and made sure his true colours is seen before anything can happen.

I feel good today…. :)

2007-07-06T16:45:00.000+08:00

I must admit that growing up, I was an uber tv addict. I could watch tv while eating, while doing my homework…and even on the phone. These days…I could even use my laptop in front of the tv.

And when it comes to movie, I’m a self confessed movie junkie. Whether is it action, thriller, mystery or chick flick…I would never miss a hollywood blockbuster. Oh wait, I don’t watch horror movies anymore…not since the ring and the stupid Texas Chainsaw massacre I caught in Aussie. Now my new motto in catching a movie is…I will not spend money to scare myself shite!

So anyway since teen, catching a movie was almost an every weekend to-do. I would catch midnight shows or sneak previews. I collected all my movie tabs then, for memorial sake. Looking at the tabs make me remember who it was with and when. Although some of them faded with time (those printed using lousy ink), some thrown away by my mum…some…was lost when I shifted house.

I realized that I love the movies because it was some sort of escape for me…….I would be drawn into the plot and seemingly part of the story. I love the fact that for 2 hours, I don’t have to be me. I could be someone else….or simply…somewhere else…..

I’m the sort who’d get really engrossed and even cry when I feel for the characters or during a certain scene. I am not an emo elmo for nothing yar.. ..

Anyway, the most recent movie I caught with OML was Transformers. I actually liked it and looked forward to watching it. I remember as a kid I used to watch their cartoons and play with the toys my cousins owned. I didn’t exactly grew up with girls per se….I grew up playing video games (tho I suck very much at it), watching wrestling, basketball…yes…basketball(it was quite a craze back then) and eventually soccer…

I still had my fair share of Barbie dolls and playing masak masak though I still hang arnd a lot with my cousins doing stupid staffs…Luckily for OML…I didn’t grow up too tomboy-ish or even ending up being a les…LOL.

Anyway Transformers brought lots of memories for me and I super duper love the show and I reckon I’m getting the DVD upon it’s release…I LUB OPTIMUS PRIME!*waves hands crazily in the air and scream*

*Ahem…recompose myself…*

Sorry, that was so bimbotic…couldn’t help it but I must admit that technology has really brought movie experience to a whole new level! Who would have thought back in the 80s when Transformers was only just a simple cartoon for kids that could evolve and come to life in the big screens!

Amazing what technology can do yar….

If my life were to ever be a movie…I wonder wat category would it be? Romance? Thriller? Mystery? Action? Chick Flick?

I’m thinking…..probably under foreign movie listing and showing only in those art house or something…because my life would have been too komplicated for most people to understand…too foreign to them….LOL

Did It!

2007-07-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have done it.

I have tendered and simply waiting to get out.

But u know what, now that I have resigned, they decided to assign me to do some shitty jobs to clean up a project that is utterly messed up now....

I feel so "appreciated" even more...

I think I made the right choice about leaving I guess...counting down now...

Shite..I dunno how much leave have I left...gotta find out!

Respond

2007-07-04T09:14:00.000+08:00

For some reasons I’m unable to post the replies to your comments so I decided perhaps I’ll respond here:

Just me: Thanks my dear…the only concern now I have is…what should I tell him?

Imp: Yes, the peepz in my social circles have heard about this company. I’ve done my research too…they ain’t bad, only smaller compared to my current company. Smaller in terms of size and revenue.
My MD did agree to help with my medical claims…although they haven’t been approved yet…
I’m very tempted by this offer…but I dunno if I should be frank to my MD, honestly, I doubt they will counter offer…they r v stingy people. LOL. But even if they did…I don’t know if I will accept either…

A_X:
1: I did some research…they just bought over another company…shldn’t be that bad right?
2. No..he is not a relative…haha..u’re right maybe I shouldn’t bother. But I always have problems “confronting” people who are nice to me…
3. Err…maybe like…they r too desperate? cannot find pple so come back and find me? Haha…I think too much perhaps? :p

Update:
Just been arrowed to conduct a training on a topic I had no experience on...amazing...OML says it's time to quit...cos they only appreciate me when they cannot find anyone else. Because not many people know this topic...they reckon I will be able to perform some miracle...sheesh...I am not a miracle performer...

Haiz

2007-07-02T18:08:00.000+08:00

Y do I always land myself in such a situation where I loathe myself being a typical Libran who doesn't seem to be able to weigh her scales and make a decision?

I so hate myself being a typical Libran now....

To leave or not to leave..that's the question.

The offer has come back to haunt me. For some reasons they have such great interest in me and raised the offer.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find myself torn again!

Sigh..I feel really shitty abt this whole thing. My MD has indeed been nice to allow me to work from home since my BP. Shld I be an ingrate and throw the letter now?

But I need to go for projects now for more exposure...no more support! But they can't promise me anything! Honestly I loathe not only my work now, I loathe my co-worker and I dun exactly have a sense of belonging here.

Pros of leaving:
1.Higher pay
2.Immediate projects-potentially to japan and korea
3.More exposure

Cons:
1.Will be leaving a bigger firm to join a smaller firm
2.My MD will hate me
3.I dunno the real reason behind their incessant offer to hire me. I hope it's a positive one...but what is it's not?

Arrghs....I really feel shitty abt this whole deal...I only have one week to consider? Someone help me plsssssssssssssssssssssss!

Will I recover?

2007-06-24T16:59:00.000+08:00

It's been 3 and a half weeks since that dreadful discovery.

Good thing is I've had quite abit of improvements since. But yet every morning I wake up and look myself in the mirror, I seem to find myself looking at a stranger. A stranger who looks alot like me yet it's not exactly me...

My lips is still looking weird. I still have a crooked smile...almost as if I've got cleft lip or something...and my eyebrow is still a lil off...

My dad commented something to me today...he said..."You face looks different..."

Sigh...how appropriate...I know he didn't mean it...but I guess he was a tad insensitive...he might as well call me a freak perhaps?

As much as I try to deny sometimes...I cannot help but feel that he is somehow right. I really dun look quite the same as before. I'm just worried that things might never improve...and I'm gonna be stucked like this for the rest of my life...

My right face still looks "lose". It's almost as if I've had botox on the left side of my face and not on my right.

It's depressing...I've tried thinking positively about this....but it still haunts me again and again....

I can't hide from the mirror forever...

Appreciation is.....

2007-06-20T09:29:00.000+08:00

Ap·pre·ci·a·tion (ə-prē'shē-ā'shən) ~ n.

1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one.
3. An expression of gratitude.
4. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
5. A rise in value or price, especially over time.
(courtesy of www.dictionary.com)

I just got OML a pairs of Oaks in preparation and celebration of his lasik op. Although it burnt a huge hole in my pocket...it's worth it for him. :)

My OML is a man of few words...actions even...lol...so..I'm not exactly sure if he likes it. I hope he does thou...

So when was the last time u showed your appreciation towards someone special?

Hmm...if it's been more than 3 months...I'd suggest maybe u'll do something todae! SO get your ass up and show them your lurvveee....or your appreciation of them for being there yar?

Now if u'd excuse me...I'll need to go save some money for my own wishlist too! Been doing quite abit of online browsing lately...heehee...a girl's gotta show herself some appreciation for being so brave through the rd to recovery?

Heh...the reasons girls gives themselves to justify for some retail therapy...wahahahahaha

Emo Elmo

2007-06-15T17:10:00.000+08:00

I have a new nick today....

I'm now Emo Elmo.....courtesy of OML.

He reckons I get affected by what others do or say too personally.

I totally agree....I'm letting Mr Lamer really get the better of me. I couldn't sleep the whole of last night cos of his stupid work ethnics.

I shall not let him get into the way of my recovery.

I.Must.Resist.

Rd to recovery....

2007-06-14T13:22:00.000+08:00

First of all...

A big thank you to those who have been so encouraging throughout this Bell's Palsy incident. Thanks for all your care and concern throughout. *huge hug*

I'm happy to announce things are slowly picking up...
1)I can close my eyes to sleep now without taping it
2)I can chew abit more
3)I can attempt a weak smile now :)

Although my cheeks are still a lil heavy and I can't raise my brow still...but the doc was happy to see my improvements thus far...

Weird as it may seem, I should be getting all happy about my recovery, but perhaps with some turn of events, I found myself feeling depressed again.

*shrugs* Too much of a thinker I suppose...

I just feel like staying in a corner and hide myself up....away from everything!

Things people say...

2007-06-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

I think I'm very affected by this new guy helping me out...

Mr Lamer been only getting to office like 10-ish and even 11am on one occassion. Our official working hours are 8.30am till 6pm.

I have my own set of rules when it comes to work and responsibility. I have never been late in my entire job history. I always believe in working efficiently, effectively, on time and on target. Which simply means if I can finish my work on time, I do it. If I don't have to work OT, I try not to. So, I never believe in coming late to work and going home late because I simply didn't have enough time to finish my work.

I don't want to judge how Mr Lamer works. Firstly I'm not his boss and he doesn't report to me. Secondly, he is clearly an adult who can jolly well decide his own work attitude.

But I am peeved when he said this to me today...

"Hey, can u try to cover me from 8.30am till abt 9.30am?" "I need to take abt an hour to travel to work....."

Seriously, I was slightly peeved. Cover him? If he's supposed to be working from 8.30am means he has to make arrangements to leave his house earlier? What kind of excuse is that for coming late?

Sheesh...

Although I'm supposed to be recovering at home and working from home, I'm ought to cover u? And I thought u were suppose to cover me while I concentrate on my recovery?

Maybe I should start sleeping in till abt 9 or 10 now instead of waking up the same time still....I do have a better excuse than him?

Darn...the things people say....

Her Story-Chapter 4

2007-06-11T16:14:00.000+08:00

Our dear Kyra is now a sweet young lady at the age of 18. She had studied very hard and scored herself a few scholarship offers from different universities and organizations. She’s had scholarships to study locally, in Australia, UK and USA. It was a tough choice for her, because she knew how much she had hoped for an opportunity outside Singapore. It was her dream to be able to study abroad, but her Ah-Mah was her greatest concern.

Who is going to takecare of her while I’m gone?
Who will massage her legs when she gets her rheumatism attacks?
And who will accompany her and talk to her when she gets lonely?

Finding no answers to her own questions, she decided that being here in Singapore with Ah-Mah was the best choice. Although a tough decision to make, Kyra was happy with the decision she made, she didn’t once think of Ah-Mah as a burden. Ah-Mah was all that she have right now….and so is Kyra to Ah-Mah. They can’t live without each other I suppose….

“Ah-Mah, I’m taking the scholarship from NUS. It’s nearer and it seems like more fun!”

Knowing Kyra’s filial piety towards her, Ah-Mah responded.

“Are u sure this is what u want? Studying overseas is a much much better choice isn’t it? I mean..you’ve spent 18 years in Singapore, now that u have a choice, don’t u want to experience something more? If you’re worried abt me..u dun have to…I have friends I can hang arnd with….”

“No Ah-Mah, I’ve made up my decision. I think I would like to stay here. There Lynette-her best friend since secondary school, you and all my other friends here. Will be sad to leave everyone here. Besides, I might not like the food, weather and people there. Food especially, I’ll miss your cooking for sure. Hmm…those chicken wings, chicken rice and….”

Slap! Came a little chiding hand on Kyra's ass....

“You and your nonsense ah…are u really that greedy? You can cook as good as me now. I’m sure u can feed yourself fine there. Hit you on your head to make u wake up your idea ok. Food is not an excuse…”

“Ouch…you’ll make me stupid ok…by then NUS will be the only choice! It’s still going to be my choice Ah-Mah. NUS it shall be!”

Thou thinking about the opportunities that Kyra may have missed, Ah-Mah could not hide her secret joy of knowing that Kyra will still be by her side. Kyra has made Ah-Mah proud all these years and have not once disappointed her, well, only once that time in Primary school. But with Kyra’s new scholarship, things are much easier on Ah-Mah now. Now, she can allow themselves for more luxury food and items. She can at the same time, save aside some money for Kyra’s dowry. Too early as it may seem, Ah-Mah hopes that she can live till the day Kyra is dressed in a white wedding gown and marries the man whom Ah-Mah can safely pass the baton of taking good care of her beloved grand daughter. And if she’s lucky enough, maybe even a great grandchild?

But right now, Ah Mah can only dream of the day…it’s probably still a long way…

Kyra has never any experience in the dating scene. She’s had puppy love crushes and she’s had suitors. But they were only part and parcel of growing up. She’s never paid much attention to all the BGR stuffs in school because she knew she had more important roles to fulfill.

So being so ignorant in the “dating” field, will Kyra find her one true love in NUS?

Pain

2007-06-07T16:58:00.000+08:00

Today's accupunture session was painful. I teared.

Dunno if it's cos OML is not here with me today or that needle was much longer today.

The doc was impressed I didn't cry out, cos she said to me " Wah, you're very brave, I would have cried out."

I found her statement funny because I thot such statements were usually for kids, u know to encourage them and make them feel better. It's feels a little funny to hear her saying these things to me...a lady in her mid-twenties.

But what she didn't know...I teared when she left...it was really painful today. In fact they have become more painful with each session. I wonder if that's a good thing.

Sigh...there's still 5 more sessions to go the least...

Why must shite always happen to me?

First Impression

2007-06-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

Busy day today...didn't get to rest at all today.

Had to return to office this morning because there's a new guy who will be taking over my duties before I leave for projects.

My MD was kind enough to assign him to me earlier so that he can share some of my workload while I concentrate on recovering.

Anyway this new guy didn't exactly leave a good impression on me. This was part of our conversation yesterday when I told him where I'm seated and that we'll meet there today for our discussion.....

New guy: yes....i know where u sit...
New guy: it is indeed cold
New guy: u shouldnt have sit there
New guy: someone died there before
Me: huh?
Me: what do u mean someone died there before?
New guy: hehhe
New guy: u wanna know the history?
Me: u serious ornot?
New guy: u watch sixth sense?
Me: yar..
New guy: when it is cold....means got the presence of ghost
Me: ......

And as our conversation goes....

New guy: u malaysian or sporean?
Me: singaporean
New guy: i am african
Me: huh?but your name is chinese?
New guy: recently, there is a trend among spore women, they prefer black people...the hip hop people....so i turned black....lol

With that...I conclude that my "successor" has officially been labelled as a LAMER.

For first impression's sake, he was late for 2 hours. I told him to meet at 8.30am and when I called him at 9.30am, he said he's forgotten about it and is on his way. He arrived later at 10.30am, which left 1 hour for our discussion because I had to go for my accupunture.

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but I think he totally screwed it. First impressions counts...too bad...he's now Mr LAMER.

Update 2

2007-06-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

It is times like these when I know I need comfort, care and concern and that support to pull through this.....

Instead, my parents havent been really supportive of the whole episode. Why? I think it's because they take my independence too much for granted that they expect me to handle everything myself.

The truth is, I'm kinda disappointed. Disappointed in the way they look at things in my perspective.

When I had felt something amiss last wednesday, they sorta dismissed it. Only when OML saw me he realised that perhaps a doctor's attention is needed. I didn't quite think of anything myself initially was because of my parents. The fact that they didn't see the severity of it.

Anyway, if not for OML, perhaps my face would have been alot serious? And he was the one who persuaded me to go for accupunture. Even his parents showed more concern towards me than mine. I must say that somehow, I'm disappointed by how my parents took this whole episode. If something like that happened to my brother, I'm sure they would have sought for the best doctors or specialist even? But for me, I'm supposed to do it all by myself, even when I'm the one who is supposed to be feeling all down and traumatized by what's happening. I don't mean to doubt their love for me, but I think they take my independence too much for granted.

OML has been the one by my side all these while, trying to accompany me to the accupunture sessions which I dun exactly look forward to. If he hadn't been there, I don't know if I could persist on. My parents havent even gone on one session with me even to the doctor and they still have the cheek to come nag me abt this. Telling me I shouldn't be bathing when I come home late at night blar blar and then sleeping in the air con because this is what happened etc etc.

I seriously don't need all these right now. I'm already saddened so much by this whole Bell's Palsy thing and yet they cannot be more sensitive to what I'm going through? I look like a freak for god's sake now! What else do they want from me? What comfort can they give me?

I just needed to get all these off my chest. It really hurts. The only solitude of comfort I can find now is OML. I think he is the only one who understands what I am going through right now.

He won't be able to accompany me for the next few accupunture sessions because he has a job to keep...he can't do this for me everyday....I do understand.

I just have to be strong for now I suppose...not for anyone else but for him and myself.

Road to recovery will not be easy...I'll need to have a lil more faith....

Update

2007-06-04T09:31:00.000+08:00

Thank you to all that have shown their concerns to me.

Unfortunately I'm still unable to move my right face.

Been feeling total crap these days...feel absolutely like a freak.

Tried out accupunture last Sat. It was scary having needles arnd my faces and my hands.

Not only had I have needles sticking out of my face, they had electric current go through them too. It was a really really weird feeling....

After which the physician even tried to put some herbs on the needles and sorta burn them through into my skin. I don't know how exactly it was done because for one, I had my eyes closed and two, it was out of my vision. All I could feel is a heat rush into the back of my face and smell of burning matchsticks.

It wasn't a good experience at all but I don't think I had a choice. I'm going for my second session today this afternoon. The physician did say I will not see any results so soon. It takes abt 10 sessions or so to recover? I can only hope.

I have spoken to my MD this morning and he has graciously allowed me to work from home till I fully recover. I had only expected working from home for a week. Well, we'll see what's the status of my recovery I suppose....

As much as I tried to look at this positively....I dread waking up every morning to see the same freak face. And still not being able to move much even till today. Feeling depressed about the whole thing. Never understand why this has to happen to me. Mostly I'm concerned if I will suffer any side effects after? Studies have shown that some percentage of the people do even after recovery.

I really can't do much except pray that this whole episode will end soon with a full recovery.

Just so that you're aware,
1. Never sit too close the air conditioner till u can feel the air blowing.
2.Should u have an flu, always be careful to takecare and never let it go untreated. Flu can also cause Bell's Palsy should u aggrevate it causing inflammation.

Whatever it is, you should always takecare of yourself constantly! And I mean CONSTANTLY! Never take your health for granted!

^&%$!@#!$*@&#

2007-06-01T09:41:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry but I couldn't find a better title today.

The right side of my face is temporarily paralysed. The right term here could be Bell's Palsy if my research is done correctly.

Totally feel like shit and looking like a freak! The doc said it could be cold air that is constantly blowing on my face that could have resulted in this.

Not even a year I have been working in this office and I've had like 2 totally unusual illness so far...

Okay..maybe is not the right word here...but at least unusual to me. I mean..What are the odds?!!!!????

The ear infection thingy which caused the imbalance in my ears was a result of my flu not recovering well. I couldn't recover because the moment I stepped into the office, my nose get clogged up again.

And now...the freaking cold air cold blowing on my face resulted in Bell's palsy! I simply cannot believe my luck in this.

Either the fengshui isn't too good at my spot or it's a sign that perhaps this is not the right job for me.

I'm feeling totally crappy abt it but yet I can't do much expect pray I can get better. Otherwise the doc did say acupunture is the next solution but I just dun like the idea of needles sticking in my face.

ARRGGHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Her Story-Chapter 3

2007-05-30T15:41:00.000+08:00

Once back in primary school, Kyra fancied a typical coloring and sticker book from the school bookshop. But having only enough money for her breaks and lunch, she attempted to steal the book without much thinking. When she was caught and her grandma found out, the old woman took it upon herself to put the tracks straight for this girl.

With every ounce of energy left that she had, she whipped Kyra until she wasn’t able to sit without pain for the next few days….

“Why did u have to steal?”

“You could have gotten money from me if u wanted the book? There’s no reason why u have to steal. Your parents would be so disappointed to hear u tried to steal!” shouted Ah-Mah in between sobs while hitting her dear Kyra with her bare hands.

“I’m sorry Ah-Mah, I didn’t mean it! I won’t do it again. Pls…pls…I’m sorry!” wailed poor Kyra.

Kyra’s heart ache when she saw how mad Ah-Mah was. She wasn’t mad that Ah-Mah had tried to hit her, she knew she deserved it. But her heart ached because she knew how hard it was for Ah-Mah to hit her the way she did. Ah-Mah was already close to her 70s and it was hard even for her to stand for 15 mins without sitting down. She knew her grandma was getting old….and it ached to see her hitting Kyra for a full 20 mins standing up.

Kyra sobbed herself to sleep. But Ah-Mah was not feeling anywhere near happy. She wept alone in the night when Kyra was asleep. She looked at Kyra’s red and swollen buttocks and wept even harder, but quietly.

Ah-Mah knew Kyra didn’t ask for a life without parents. She didn’t ask to grow up without her parent’s love, and she definitely didn’t ask to grow up with an old woman who had to be dependent on her instead of the other way around.

Everyone she loved had left, even her husband of 50 years left when he had lung cancer and passed away just before Ken got married. Ah-mah missed her only son very much and Kyra was the only memory left of her son. Hitting Kyra tonight was a huge thing for her, but she couldn’t bear to see Kyra take the wrong route into life. She had to do what she had to do.

Giving a good night peck on her head, Ah-Mah dried her tears and left the room mumbling “I’m sorry my dear” under her breathe. Hoping deep inside that this experience will bring back her dearest little precious girl back to the right path.

So it did. Once Ah-Mah left the room, little Kyra opened watery her eyes and started sobbing quietly to herself. Since then, she vowed to herself that she will not upset her beloved grandma anymore. She’s going to do well in her studies and not disappoint her.

“I’m never gonna make u cry again Ah-Mah….” Little Kyra promised herself before falling back into her innocent slumber.

Choice

2007-05-29T11:00:00.001+08:00

I have made either a smartest or stupidest decision today.

I have decided to stay put in my current company.

I was in a dilemma awhile back because of what I'm doing right now. Clearing "shite" on a daily basis.

So, I went ahead and went on selective interviews few months back. There was this one that I was considering but their interview cycle took a loooonnng time until I didn't think I made it.

An sms came in last week to offer me a really attractive package with this company.

I was impressed and at the same time knocking myself on the head.

Reason?

As I mentioned here about my current predicament, I had sorta promised my MD that I will be staying till end of this assignment to see what the company has in store for me.

So having this sms come at this time really sets a big dilemma upon me. I even had sleepless these days. If I hadn't promised anything, I would have said yes to this position immediately!But...there's always a but.

And being a typical typical libran....it's just so difficult for me to weigh the pros and cons!

Y must I be a blardey LIBRAN?Dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!*pulls hairs and screams*

Anyways..*ahem, regaining my composure*, it was a tough choice but I made it.

I made a promise and I'm going to keep it because it speaks alot abt my integrity and my character. At least until July when this assignment ends. If I still don't see anything "productive" coming my way...I will scoot.

The offer is really attractive you know...sigh....

I pray it is a smart choice.

Her Story- Chapter 2

2007-05-28T14:20:00.000+08:00

With no siblings and no immediate relatives to take her in, Ah-Mah was the closest kin that Kyra could depend on. Already at her early 60s, it was impossible to find an employer who was willing to hire Ah-Mah, and even if there was, it would take a huge toll on her too.

Perhaps God had other plans for this little girl, for Ken and Jenny had gotten insurance policies prior to the accident. They were able to receive one thousand dollars each month from the insurance company until Kyra was 21 of age.

Although the amount was not in anyway luxurious, it made things a lot easier for Ah-Mah and Kyra. With limited amount each month, Ah-Mah did her best to skimp and scrap on things so that she could put aside some money for Kyra’s uni fees in the future. Kyra didn’t get to enjoy a lot of things when she grew up, but she was a sensible girl. She knew her parents wanted big things for her and so she never given up doing her best. She never let her Ah-Mah worry about her at all.

At the age of 15, Kyra was not like any ordinary teenager. She grew up to be a smart young lass and was really focused and knew exactly what she wanted for herself and her Ah-Mah. She wanted a good life for her Ah-Mah.

Secretly and never discussed with her Ah-Mah, Kyra wanted badly to study abroad, she wanted to see the world from a different perspective. She’s never gotten a chance to see anything outside Singapore, in fact, she’s never gotten too far from their 3 bedroom flat in Tampines.

Determined to work towards her goal, Kyra was very focused, always trying to get good grades in school. And during her school holidays, she took on various part time jobs to make up for her own pocket money.

Having grown up without parent’s love, Kyra had only her Ah-Mah to rely on and so she’s very attached to her Ah-Mah and very protective of the old woman. Although juggling with both school work and part time jobs, Kyra never used them as reasons not to help out with household chores because she knew her grandma was too old to be mopping the floor and cleaning toilet. She took it upon herself to have the place clean for her Ah-Mah and never left her alone for meals unless necessary.

With the kind of burden over this young lady’s shoulders, she didn’t have much time for friends. Although armed with the brightest smile anyone could have, this passive girl kept her circle of friends small and kept her life story to only a few.

She didn’t think people would understand and she didn’t want sympathy from anyone. Without any role models to grow up from, Kyra took TV serials seriously. She was a TV addict basically. To her, the TV was the key to learning how the outside world behaves. She seldom got herself into much trouble, that’s cos she knew it would upset her grandma badly.

Her Story

2007-05-24T14:43:00.000+08:00

Hmmm...as crazy as it sounds, I have been doing some random story writing lately.
This is my first attempt of a short story(not counting those compositions time in school) talking about a girl's life. Without allowing herself to be overwhelmed by her predicament in life, she struggled to do the right things in life while searching for her own life in within....

I don't know how many chapters I will ever get to pen before finishing(assuming I do). But I hope to complete a big part of her life...her love for a man she's not sure of a happy ending with...So I'm hoping one chapter a day whenever I have the time or inspirations!

Feel free to drop by comments or feedbacks...or even suggestions. But the author(me) decides the ultimate outlook of the story eh?LoL.
Enjoy...

I dedicate this as....Her Story

Epilogue:

As she looked into the rearview mirror of her cab…..she knew this was it and tears started to flow as the three outline went out of sight…

They had wanted to send her to the airport, but she didn’t want them to see her cry….most importantly…she didn’t want him to see her cry….Cos he is the one she’s going to miss most.....

Chapter 1:

Going back to 24 years ago……

“ Wails……..” came a newborn's first cry.

“Mum, she’s born! She’s born!” cried the excited new dad, Ken.

Ken and Jenny have been married for 2 years before they decided it was time for a new addition in the family. Ken was 32, while Jenny was 30. A good time to welcome their first newborn.

Ken and Jenny were both excited parents. Their baby girl was simply gorgeous. Big eyes, thick black hair and a really really loud voice. They were to name her, Kyra, which means “beloved” in Russian and “lady” in Greek. She was to grow up a “beloved lady” to them.

But Ken and Jenny never got to see how Kyra grew to become a beautiful lady. At the age of 5, Ken and Jenny met a terrible car accident and passed away……

It was a day of sorrow and tears, but Kyra being only 5 years old, didn’t quite understand what had happened. It was however, a night she could not forget even in her dreams. The sight of 2 caskets and her parent’s picture on a table garnished with flowers and lights everywhere.

People came and went that night. Some were shedding silent tears while some wailed uncontrollably. Sitting quietly in one corner, almost every one who came by patted her on her head, as if they know the route this girl . Oblivious to what’s going on, she would present her brightest smile to them. While some forced a smile back at her, some wept even louder. But all she knew was….” Papa, Mama had gone to a far away place and they won’t be coming back…….

Whiney

2007-05-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

I am whiney today so excuse me....

I'm feeling like a MAN lately.

Every lunch I take orders, serve and pay.

Even OML doesn't do it all the time.

I.think.I.need.some.pampering.badly.

Need.to.feel.like.a.lady.again!

When is too much?

2007-05-23T10:38:00.000+08:00

Lately I’ve been blog surfing for quite abit….I came across some interesting blogs and noticed that while some people like to keep their life story open with pictures of themselves, their friends and family, some others, like myself, prefer to be blogging anonymously, yet sharing some parts of their personal life.

Internet has indeed brought communication to a whole new level. Now we have tools like MSN, Yahoo Messenger etc to maintain communication with your friends and family and not forgetting internet telephony, bringing people from different parts of the world closer and at the same time lowering call charges in-between.

Now as internet brought people closer, blogging is another alternative to allow others to read, understand and even see what u have been up to. Some people have even used the blog idea to start setting up their own internet business.

Now with the vast overload of information available through the internet so easily, should we feel vulnerable? Vulnerable in the sense that people might take advantage of, for the plain fact that our lives is such an open book now?

So when is information too much? Mentioning your name? Talking about your lifestyle and the people u hang around with? Pouring your heart out? Or is the posting of your pictures online the ultimate? And does your blog really reflects who u really are or is it only a mask for u to show the world who u want to be seen as?

I came across a few blogs that sorta intrigued me. Intrigued because they seemed to share certain interests of mine or perhaps the kind of lifestyle that I’d liked to have. But the question lies…do I really know who they are? Should I judge them based on their blogs or can I initiate a friendship based on that? Will that friendship blossom or last?

Perhaps I’m being skeptical, perhaps I’m being cautious…but perhaps…..I should.

Can u tell who I really am and what I'm thinking now by reading this?*wink*

L.O.V.E

2007-05-17T15:15:00.000+08:00

For most of us, love is simply this butterfly feeling in your stomach whenever u see that special someone.

But is love really that simple?

The term fall in love just sounds too dangerous isn’t it? People do literally fall to their deaths, no? Why can’t we use the term fly in love? hover in love, or simply….. float in love? Why must it come with the word fall?

I think the word LOVE is so complicated sometimes that I wonder if it’s ever worth it. Worthy for u to literally fall for it per se…

I’ve had my fair share of falling in love and of course falling out of it. I must say…during those falling out experience was quite “discomforting”. My eyes was always teary, loss of appetite and worse of all, I have this really really annoying, incessant tinge of pain arnd my heart during those times. Looks like I have fallen ill u say? Well, you’re right….I was diagnosed with a heartache. A condition that no medicine in the world can ever cure.
Even so, falling in love doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows too. At times when OML hurts me so bad with his words or actions, I feel the same tinge of pain arnd my heart too. Is that part of love as well? If love is supposedly so beautiful and wonderful…why did I feel the way I did? If that’s the case, what’s the difference when u “fall in” and “fall out”?

Maybe because whenever u “fall” in love, there comes a point when there’s certain expectations from each party within the love equation. And as u both struggle to keep the balance, the scales will tip from time to time. That’s when each party have to make some adjustments and compromise to balance up the scales again.

I think love is a lethal potion, yet we fall in love ever so often, again and again n again…..and not learning our lesson?

I think love is a feeling that we can never leave without. It’s a feeling that cannot have any scientific significance that we can seek to understand or put it into theory or numbers. It’s simply just a feeling that no touch, no sight and no sound can ever explain. And yet, we depend a lot on LOVE. It’s a concoction that GOD deems essential to keep us going perhaps?

Be it parent’s love, siblings’ love, friend’s love or romantic love... it is undeniably a part of our everyday lives and it is almost impossible to ignore.

What is LOVE?

Hmmm....

2007-05-14T15:35:00.000+08:00

I just heard of a project coming up in HK.

I’m desperate to leave my current assignment to join this…

That is…if I can make myself “known” to the people involved.

How can I do that?

Do a lil dance in the office? Hah!

What is my Name?

2007-05-10T10:53:00.000+08:00

My so called “Christian” name was added into my birth cert by mistake. My parents came up with my Chinese name and thought of an English name for future use. My mum had no intentions of putting my English name in my birth cert, but my dad had made the boo boo of putting everything in. So I have to live with that since.

So since then for every exams that I have to take, my name would be uber long.

I would say that I have a unique English name. Well, at least since birth until now..... Unique in spelling and unique in pronunciation until recently a lot of “spoofing” came around. Anyways, I hardly find someone of the same name as me. It’s not so common like Tom, Dick or Harry. I’m proud in a sense to be unique but I hate for the fact that people blatantly mispronounces my name like….EVERYTIME!

From Primary one to four, my form teacher has been calling me A for the long time when my name is supposed to be K.

Growing up, I have understood that it’s importance for people to get my name correct. So I would pronounce my name loud and clear everytime during introduction. I don’t know if it’s really that difficult, but my new acquaintances hardly get my name correct. My friends however have NO excuse. They HAVE to get my name correct. But colleagues, or even bosses….they can get my name wrong every so often.

This client of mine is totally hopeless. And no thanks to my boss whom I have never met, she was the one who started misspelling my name from my first day of work in the emails since. I can understand the confusion at first. But with proper introduction and from the YM to emails to telephone conversations, this client still can never ever get my name correct. Not even in spelling! It’s been like wat…8 mths? Is my name really that hard to remember?

The rest have somewhat managed to get my name right, maybe not so much in pronunciation, but at least try to get the spelling right? It’s depressing! Even my ex boss mispronounce my name like forever? And so did my ex colleagues…it’s like they have been conditioned by my ex-boss. The only comfort I have now is….my MD actually gets my name correctly in spelling and pronunciation!

*sigh*

Redtape

2007-05-08T15:08:00.000+08:00

It’s annoying that when u need to get things done u find yourself tangled up in strings and strings of redtapes…….

Must everything be so bureaucratic and not a tinge of flexibility allowed? I question myself that everyday. Should flexibility be accommodated, I personally feel that certain things can be done more efficiently and in a much shorter time too.

I understand that in every business, there are of course certain rules and regulations. I respect the fact that they’re there to serve their individual purposes. But minor things which have no major impact on businesses should have more room for flexibility?

I wish I could discuss more here……*sigh*

Is it too soon for my next break?

On a side note...I am leaving this assignment in July....so looking forward to it!

Something Tupid

2007-05-03T09:56:00.000+08:00

Something stupid happened today....

I hit my head against the toilet door....

Now I have a visible red line on my forehead...

How apt....the weekend is coming already...

Arrghs...and I have cramps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sobz*

DUMBO ME!

Miss Talkative

2007-04-27T10:49:00.001+08:00

A new colleague came in from Malaysia last week and sat at the desk across mine. She seemed the bubbly sort as she jumped and said hi to me when she came in.
Funny girl she is….sweet…but she is damn talkative. Super duper talkative I tell ya.

So I’ve been bringing her out for lunch since she’s new and for the fact that how miserable I was when I first came in and nobody bothered to bring me arnd. So she’s my new found lunch khaki apart from Miss Lifestyle.

So one fine day when we went out for lunch…on our way back…she got all excited talking and landed a huge patch of saliva on my cheek…

“Eeeks!!!!!!!!!!!!” went the inner me….but I had to keep cool and calm. No expressions or whatsoever. Just screaming inside....

I dunno if she knew abt it….but I didn’t react too adversely for fear of hurting her feelings…so I endured the 5 mins walk back to office before I took out my wet tissues and wiped them off tactically…..

Sigh…when I told this to OML…he asked…

OML: “ Aey, then why when it’s me u have such big reactions?”

Me: “Duh…u not my colleague lor…no need to give face one”

OML: -.-“

Hahahahahahahahaha……………..

Restless

2007-04-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

Feeling rather restless today....

Don't.Know.Why.

I.Think.I.Woke.Up.Wrong.Side.Of.The.Bed.Today

Need.To.Stop.Writing.Like.That.

Peace.

Boob2Boob

2007-04-20T16:21:00.000+08:00

For those who know who I am, may or may not have me on friendster. Honestly I dun really quite utilize my friendster account, I guess I’m too lazy.

But once in awhile I do login to add new friends. Maybe new colleagues or even old friends. Like recently, an old friend from Primary school buzzed me on friendster. Was kinda cool because I’ve lost contact with these pple eons ago. It’s nice to bring back those past friendships and a lil nostalgia to boot.

Interestingly, I also received a message from a random someone, outside my circle of friends. Not wanting to seem rude or snobbish, I responded.

So I realized she’s working in Melbourne. Helping out a friend with her event management company. She seems like a nice girl and all until she went…” …btw I’m bi. I hope u dun mind as I dun mean any harm. I just wanna make more frens…..”

Hmm…that got me wondering…a bi…does it mean she’s interested in me? Hahaha…(BHB I know… =p) Well, I’m really open minded to such les and gay stuffs…even bi-s. Well I respect each individual choice to their sexual preferences, so I don’t discriminate.

So yeah, I told her I dun mind and she added me on her msn. I’ve had 2 conversations with her so far. She told me that she just had an accident last yr and she’s still wheel chair bound cos she had hurt her spine. So being totally bored at home, she went arnd making friends in friendster.

So as we chat, I realized her “motive” per se when she asked me this question.

She: “Dun mind me asking…u look quite petite, how tall are u?”

Me: “haha..yes I am, I’m only 1.XX”

She: “Oh, that’s okay…but dun mind me saying…u’ve got ‘materials’ “

To myself…Materials? Omg…is she talking about my boobs?

She: “ Do u mind if I ask u wat cup size r u?”

To myself….Yup…she’s referring to my boobs…

Me:” Hahaha…I’m okay…just size X”

She: “Cool…I was a size X myself…but now I’m X+1 ever since I started working out….”

As our conversation continued, I became rather bewildered by her term of working out. Cos as far as I know, working out only decreases ur boob size, not increase?

But from her msn pic…I could see she’s quite well endowed. So…I was a lil confused.

As curiosity kills the cat, I asked her at blank point.

Me: “ How is it that u can work out and increase ur cup size at the same time? Doesn’t exercise decrease your boob size?”

She: “ Oh no…mine’s of a different kind of work out. It’s called the boob2boob work out.”

Me: “Boob2Boob?”

She: “Yeah…u know…u massage your boobs using someone else’s boobs, vice versa”

Me: “HUH?”

………..

Unreal u say? Ha…I assure u I did not make this all up. So she asked me the foreseen question.

………..

She: Are u keen to try this workout? I have a fren in sg who’s looking for someone to do the same…..

Basically the idea is that 2 females will face each other, with their boobs touching one another, doesn’t have to be naked, but u have to be bra-less for the workout to be effective. So u can maybe don on a spaghetti top, bra-less and get another female to do the same. So basically u massage one’s boobs using the other’s boobs while making circular motion? How the hell exactly is it done? U go figure out yourself…..

It was then that I realized that perhaps her true intentions of messaging me in friendster was cos she saw my boobs and thot I had material? She probably also trying to make more friends and at the same time, expand her idea of a Boob2Boob work out?
Farnie shite…anyone wanna tryout this Boob2Boob workout with me? *ROFL*

Backies!

2007-04-11T10:29:00.000+08:00

I am back in Singapore...

Had a great time in Aussie....a well needed break to sort things out.

I do feel alot better now and have a better direction as to where I'm heading.

Now I shall pray for the best and wait....

Will try to post some pictures once I sort them out....

Till then...Too Der Loo...

A Needed Pep Talk

2007-03-28T16:07:00.001+08:00

I was caught by surprise when my MD asked me for a coffee session this morn.

MD: “Are u free for about half an hour for a coffee session?”

Me : “Er…I think I should be alright…”

With that….we sat down at the food court downstairs and we started talking.

And so, he started thanking me that he appreciates me being so patient with the company and all blar blar…and that he will get arrangements to try and put me on a project on a permanent basis soon….in the next 3 mths.

I was rather taken aback, as if he can read my mind and know about my intentions to fly?

The truth is, recently I’ve started looking around for other opportunities. I’ve actually gotten myself 2 interviews pending after my trip.

I’m just happy to hear that really, but that’s about another 3 more months. If he’s telling the truth, it’s great news for me, but if he’s not, I’m gonna be back to sq one. The question now is, should I take the risk to leave ornot?

But I do appreciate the fact that he takes time out to find out what I really want as a career advancement…..it’s nice to know u’re being appreciated too? That is exactly what I need now…

*bah*

Counting down...

2007-03-27T15:24:00.000+08:00

Officially 2 days to the start of my holidays.....

Yes!!!!!!!!I'm really looking forward!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

This is a good break for me to find back my focus, reshuffle my life a little and sort out the little "confusions" that I've been having with about work and love life.

Having spent some time thinking about things and collecting my thoughts....I think I have a rough idea on what I'm looking for....They prob need some sorting out. Hopefully this break can bring me new revelations and give me new aspirations. I do need them....

2 days and counting....oops...did I already mentioned that?Heehee....2 days and counting!!!!!!!!!hahahahahah

Focus

2007-03-22T16:43:00.001+08:00

Have had a loooooooooong week.

So many things to remember and so many things to do……the lists goes on yet I do not see the purpose of my work. It seems as if I have misplaced my focus somewhere.

Although I feel I’m on the path of “recovery” through my current lows of my life….I know that I need to relocate my focus again. I need to find my focus back badly.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’ve had some revelations to my current situation. Perhaps it’s my character or my personality, but I feel that once I don’t have a sense of belonging or sense of satisfaction to anything….I lose my focus and interest in it.

To summarize, I don’t think I quite like my new job. I don’t like the environment, I don’t like the culture and I definitely have no sense of belonging.

I’ve had a few chats with some people in my line as I “pour” my concerns to them. The feedback I got was…..consulting line is usually like that……etc etc.

So this is when I start questioning myself, if I don’t like such an environment, am I not suitable for consulting line? I don’t know the answer honestly…..because I feel I dunno myself anymore. I used to have a direction, I used to have a focus. But now…..I’m lost.

Despite the fact that I took an IT degree blindly and getting into an IT field blindly, I sorta decided what area I wanted to pursue when I did a few “temp” jobs when I graduated. I was determined and I got my “starting point”. Thou it wasn’t easy….I was happy. It was like a new starting point for me towards my goal. And so I was contented and determined to get the best out of it.

Time passed and things change. I guess for many people, u really can’t find a place with no politics and that everyone’s just ever so nice. There’s bound to be personality clashes, bound to be certain differences. With the dynamics of people changing, I grew a tad frustrated with my previous company. Thou the boss was great and all, an offer sorta came in at the right time, right moment. I took it for the attractive pay and not to deny, “the branding” as well.

Unfortunately, I have not been happier at all. I feel even more alone here. And I’m starting to regret. Was it a wrong move? Or was I simply in the wrong field? I’m thinking of a career change but I’m not sure if that’s even a good idea.

On the scarier side of things….I’m just worried I’m falling into those…”I’m never satisfied” kinda person.

Is that a bad thing?

Low...

2007-03-12T19:43:00.001+08:00

So many things have happened for the past 2 weeks….

My cousin’s death is still lingering at the back of my mind…seeing my fray auntie of 80 years going through the demise of her youngest son is heart wrenching….

Almost immediately after the funeral I fell ill…again…the lack of sleep n the uber cold aircon at the Singapore casket totally didn’t help….

The flu bug was so extremely persistent that I’m still not fully recovered until today. Whenever I step into office, my nose gets blocked. I starting to suspect if I’m actually allergic to my office rather than being sick…..

Work hasn’t been perfect as well. I’m having so much second thoughts abt joining this firm that I feel so torn between a job switch or to stay put. This job doesn’t give me any job satisfaction at all and I just feeling I’m wasting my time with them…yet I don’t want to seem like a job hopper. I’m so torned!

At home….. I’ve recently found new revelations that everyone around me takes me so much for granted to such a huge degree…..

I just feel so alone right now. Like everyone expects me to do this to do that. At home, I’m the big sister. I’m suppose to takecare of my brother, make sure he’s on the right track blar blar…when my dad is not around, I’m suppose to takecare of my mum as well. Should anything be wrong….i’m at fault! No matter what happens!

With OML, I’m expected to think of his priorities above mine….y? cos he wears the pants?

And through everything else….when I do sacrifice my priorities…nobody appreciates…they think it’s something I ought to do. Simply cos I’m the eldest? Cos I’m the gf…and cos I’m the best friend? It’s so hard to keep up with everyone’s expectations of me….

Perhaps I dun need a break…I simply need some ME time…..

Escape....

2007-03-07T16:19:00.000+08:00

I’m feeling really lost right now.
Blocked nose, freezing aircon.
Here I am, feeling real crappy abt everything around me.
My job. My family. My love life.
Sometimes I just want to escape. Escape to a place where I can clear my head and just be me for awhile. No expectations, no obligations.....
Could be the stress or could be PMS working....but.....
I just want to run away and escape for now…

Rants

2007-03-06T12:41:00.001+08:00

My weekend was a sorrowful one….

My cousin’s family has decided to pull the plug last Friday night. It was a difficult decision but I think it was the best for him….

A funeral was held and he was cremated yesterday. May his soul rest in peace in the arms of God. You will be missed.

******

My whole weekend was a whirl….not enough sleep had resulted in me falling ill….yet again….I know. Been quite weak lately, dunno what’s been going on with me….

Didn’t feel like talking much today. But the first thing my MD spoke to me this morning was about my leave. I dunno if he’s hinting me to change my leave or that he’s really concerned about the client.

“They are quite concerned about the knowledge transfer of the project…..”

I gave him a blank look “ Oh but I thought they are providing 1 week support?”

“Yes, but they would like to do the knowledge transfer then….”

I’m actually quite upset about this news. Firstly, they did not inform me of any timeline or whatsoever for the knowledge transfer. Secondly, do I look like some beck n call who has no life and always waiting for blardey instructions on a last minute basis?

I’m so sticking on my reason of leave- To attend a friend’s wedding overseas. That’s not exactly true but I have had to have a good reason else I’m sure such “expectations” would occur.

I.Am.Not.Cancelling.My.Leave. Period.

Shocking news...

2007-03-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

I just received a phonecall from my mum....

I was told my cousin fainted and the doctor proclaimed him brain dead.
Thus they expect my aunt and family to donate his organs out immediately.

With the recent debate of the Hota in the newspapers....I never expect this to happen to my family....

I'm still in a state of shock because he was alright during the CNY visits...this is just too sudden....

New Toy

2007-02-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

I have finally gotten my new lappy today!
Much smaller in size, definately easier for me to carry to and fro office!
Me is one happy ger today!

Wheeeeeeee..............!

Happy Belated CNY!

2007-02-23T10:44:00.000+08:00

Sorry peepz...been kinda busy all these while so..
Here's a Happy CNY to all!!!!!
Hope everyone will have a Prosperous and Blessed Piggy Year!!!!!:)

Happy Valentines' Day!!!

2007-02-14T10:10:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentines' Day to yr'all out there!!!!!

And don't forget Happy Friendship day too!!!!

Lostsa hugs and kisses!!!!! ;)

Social Class

2007-02-09T17:38:00.000+08:00

Lately I’ve been blogging quite frequently, not sure if that’s a good sign but there’s been more things to blog about recently other than work.

Sidetrack…I’ve recently been confirmed in my new firm…nothing to rejoice because there’s really nothing much to celebrate about. It’s only just a piece of paper really, no increments and no “Welcome to the family” speech by my boss. I still haven’t met her since day one…I’m probably too unimportant for her… 

So back to what I had wanted to say…. I’ve been getting close to this Korean colleague of mine. Let’s just call her Miss Lifestyle, that’s because her backgrounds’ pretty much the high flyer sort of…branded goods, fine dining and insists on staying in the city etc….

Miss Lifestyle had wanted to go shopping last night, she being alone and her not having many local friends, I obliged to keep her company. She also invited her friend, a Hongkie, a fellow schoolmate from UK, for dinner.

Miss Lifestyle wanted to get a present for a friend, but she ended up looking at a lot of her own personal stuffs most of the time. She brought me to a few shoe stores that she frequents and boy oh boy…a pair of shoes after 50% still equates to about 10 pairs of charles and keith’s shoes! I felt a lil awkward and out of place. I mean, seriously, I’ve never really walked into any of the branded boutiques stores in Takashimaya all my life. Yesterday night was truly my first. The sales persons there provided such good services that I truly understand now the difference between the rich and the poor. IMHO, when u shop at such places where the cheapest item can easily knock u off a hundred bucks, chances are you’ve gotta have some money in your bank to afford these. And by judging that, the sales people will definitely put their best to serve u, hoping u might give them a tip or 2 and maybe come back as regular customers. You dun wanna offend a rich cash cow do u? lol…

Anyway, when her friend arrived, it was already 9 and we’ve just started dinner…I was absolutely famished. Apparently her friend had gotten a bad day at work and decided to go retail therapy and got herself 2 pairs of chanel earrings! Another Miss Lifestyle! Sometimes I do wonder if it’s me…..else y is everyone so head over heels over branded stuffs? Ohhh that chanel bag…ohhh…that LV wallet…ohhh that Fendi earrings…

I can’t quite understand why u would buy a 300 over LV wallet to have it be all soiled and oily with the handling of money with every lunch that u go. Is it for the brand? The quality? Or the self-consciousness? Same goes for a pair of shoes, would u rather buy one where u can wear literally for the rest of your life cos it’s simply too expensive to throw away, or u prefer to buy the cheaper ones where u can dispose easily when it’s spoilt and no longer in fashion? I’d prefer the latter….

I’m starting to doubt my feminism….either that, I totally belong to a different social class.*shrugs*

S.W.O.T

2007-02-07T15:56:00.000+08:00

Had an interesting lunch session today….

My Korean colleague was introducing me to another colleague usually stationed in Malaysia and so we were gonna have lunch together when we saw our MD along the way. He then decided, as a nice gesture, to take us all out for lunch.

My Malaysian colleague, let’s call her Miss Bun, was having a mid-life crisis, according to her anyway. She just hit the big 30 2 weeks back, so she’s sorta experiencing this loss of directions being single and all not knowing what a single women like her can achieve now. She lingers on the fact that she’s 30, not yet settled down and still single looking for Mr Right when there are friends of her age all settled down with kids and stuffs. She felt she was missing out in some things in life, not knowing exactly what’s missing.

Though I’ve only just met her, she seems like a really nice person. Really out-going, open-minded, really westernized I would say. But, I can however, try and guess why she’s single. My guess is, she’s someone who doesn’t really like to be tied down. She likes to do whatever and whenever she wanted to. Being with someone takes effort, commitment and compromise. Through her conversations, I don’t think she’s that kind of girl who really wants to settle down. To put it blantly, she’s a party girl in my opinion, always looking out to have fun, to party and to enjoy every bit of life. I don’t think she’s one of those who would be home on Friday night with her kids and stuffs. She’s even all planned out her “activities” all the way till May. She’s going shopping in Hong Kong next month, Bangkok party for a weekend in April…etc etc…U think she’s ready to settle down? I doubt that really…..

Anyway as she was lamenting, my MD tried to give her some advices, the consulting way. Which I found kinda pointless, because if life could be so theoretical and to be applied and optimized using figures and charts, then there wouldn’t be wars, no poverty and definitely no hungry people.

It’s interesting however to see how my MD tried to come out with a graphical explanation, or rather a SWOT (Strengths,Weakness,Opportunities,Threats) analysis of one’s life and how we can set benchmarks through our lives, thus keeping us focused and working towards each goals…yahdah yahdah… All these seem so familiar coming from a consulting framework to analyse business processes etc etc. But can we really apply such frameworks to our lives too? I could only shrug and ”work hazard” is what came to my mind, but I’ve never really thought about life in such a way. If only we can predict what will or can happen next in life, wouldn’t life be perfect then? Bah…if only it’s that easy...And how does it help mid-life crisis? And what’s mid-life crisis really?

Well…what can I say? Until the day I face my fair share of mid-life crisis…I’ll know exactly what that means…..heh

If I could change....

2007-02-06T16:09:00.000+08:00

With the festive seasons drawing so close, it’s typical to see crowds scowling and scurrying to get their shopping done.

I had witnessed the crowd last weekend cos I hadn’t had time to get down to some proper shopping until last weekend. Anyway, I’m proud to say I have accomplished my “mission”…finally…I didn’t get too many stuffs, the crowd was appalling, I simply grabbed what I can wear and what I thot looks good enuff to go out. I’m too lazy to look for something that I really liked. They either have no more sizes left, no more colours or blar blar whatever reasons. Hmm…I really can’t be bothered so I ended up getting all my items within a budget of 100 bucks! Great savings…haa….good for my pocket really…

The crowd was exceptional. Changing rooms were having long queues and typically, you’d have those people who ignore the sign that says “Maximum 3 pieces per customer”. You’d still see people with 10 outfits queuing up and totally oblivious to the 10 others waiting in line with only 3 outfits. I never quite understand why these people show such inconsideration to others, as if they’re the only ones living on this planet. I mean who doesn’t want to try on their clothes and get their purchases done? You’re obviously not the only one so why can’t u just show a lilttle graciousness? *sigh*

Even on trains now it’s all packed every morning. Still, there’s always some smart alec who tries to read the papers in the crowded trains. Can’t they wait till they’re in the office or at home? I mean, the train’s already packed like hell and you’re still trying to fight for space to read the papers? Sheesh…and of course there’s the usual “pole dancers” who refuse to let others share the pole which incidentally is for public use.

Singaporeans lack graciousness and lack consideration. If I could change anything, I would change these people. Change their selfish mindsets and get them to be more considerate and be more aware of others around. Although Singapore is a small dote u say…we must never forget how big the outside world is. We cannot constantly think only of ourselves and allow ourselves to be, Jing Di Zhi Wa- a Chinese idiom as being a frog in a well, comparing to how a frog living in a well can only see part of the sky from inside the well, not knowing how big the sky is outside the well. We do wanna grow into a better society don’t we?

Just rambling….ha…

Month of Joy

2007-01-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

The first month of year 2007 ends today….time really flies! We will be expecting 2 different occasions. Valentine’s day and the Chinese Lunar New Year….

Maybe age is catching up, so that’s why I don’t find much anticipation anymore. I remember as kids, I used to look forward so much to Chinese new year. This is the time where I can wear new clothes, new shoes and make myself pretty. And of cos, who can ever resist the new year goodies!!!! Yum…my personal favourite is the prawn roll. I would always help my mum make them. And sometimes, I’ll even eat them raw in the process…ha…

And then of cos, there’s the irresistible angbaos as kids. We would always be so glad to receive them and counting the money thereafter. And not forgetting the visits to relatives’. As kids, you mix around easily, even with cousins whom u dun normally meet, except for occasion like this, you can still brush off the awkwardness and still play like there’s no tomorrow.

But now, as we grow older and become working adults, new clothes for new year seemed to be a thing of the past. With my own earning power now, I don’t need to wait till chinese new year to get new clothes and to dress up. And the angbaos receiving part have somewhat become a tad embarrassing, because after all the zhu ni xue ye jing bu (translates to-All the best in your studies) and the kuai gao zhang da(translates to blessings-May u grow taller each year) from the elders have since “expired” and transcend to zhi shi yao jie hun (translates to-When are u getting married) and zhu ni zhai dao hao gui shu(translates to-may u find a suitable partner?)

Well, anyway, it comes to a point where u still enjoy the yummy goodies but sorta dread the visits where your relatives will start posing questions about the M word. (Marriage)

Well, for starters I’ve had a really bad start to year 2007 as from my previous posts. I do hope with the arrival of the lunar Chinese new year…things can improve. I haven’t exactly gotten down to my cny shopping yet…I hope I may get my hands on it this weekend, hopefully it’s not too late still. I dun like all the red and brighty stuffs I see now…I’m a mellow person this year.

As for valentine’s day…. I guess it’s probably over-hyped…well…my recently acquired opinion at least. But I do remember back then and in schools as teenagers, valentine’s day has got a special place in my heart. It’s a time where u express your love to that special someone. You’ll make lovey dovey DIY cards or gifts and you’ll secretly hope to receive a secret love note, a vdae card or even a surprise present! Haha..could be just me but I’m really quite a romantic freak…Librans are typical romance hopeless…but unfortunately my OML ain’t such a person. So vdae’s really like any other day now…but I do agree it’s really been quite overhyped through the years. Dinners are super expensive, gifts are not cheap either. I wonder how do the kids nowadays survive all these. I remember I used to make my own special gifts then….not expensive and it’s truly made with your heart. But now…I doubt anyone still has the time to do that…

Things are just not like before anymore. Is this really gotta do with me catching up with age? Or are times really changing? There’s no more time to enjoy the simple facts of life when everything’s moving so fast! Everything is so easily and readily available now. The paper roses that we used to make ourselves are so readily available now on the shelves, nicely wrapped. Gifts and cards are abundance everywhere now. You just need to pay, write some notes and u can send it to your loved ones. I do miss the days when it takes a lot more effort to express how u feel towards someone….And not simply grab something off the shelf and say…”Happy Valentine’s Day”

I think time is running too fast…we need to slow down and enjoy the little things about life…

Drama!

2007-01-30T10:03:00.000+08:00

It’s been a terrible week for me so far…I was down with flu for the most of the week before. And when I thought I had finally recovered and was ready to go shop for my new year stuffs…I was hit with some stupid ear infection as a “trilogy” to my flu and had caused me some embarrassment in the office.

Was Friday night late afternoon was I suddenly felt dizzy and my world was spinning. I had thought it was my blood pressure or something so I tried to rest my head. But the spinning did not get better. It got worse. I’ve never felt in such agony all my life as I tried to get up from my seat but I couldn’t, in the end…..I “merlioned” in the office and caused a huge amount of embarrassment for myself. A colleague (Indian guy) who sat beside me was kinda shocked…I didn’t see his face but I could feel his shock. Seriously, how often do u see someone puke in the office?

Anyway, no one really bothered to help me. Most people already left and those who were around were either strangers or…let’s just say…they mind their own business. My colleague next to me offered to bring me some tissue papers and a cup of water…well…I asked him to help cos I was having my face to the bin and couldn’t stand up…while trying to keep my world still…I had to clean up my puke. I hadn’t had much in the afternoon, some sandwiches, so it wasn’t that bad…

I had to sms OML to come pick me…I couldn’t stand and I wondered how I was to make it to the door, nonetheless the toilet and no to imagine out to take a train!

As I rest my head on my desk…I heard a familiar voice calling out my name….No…it wasn’t OML….it was my MD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I flustered and didn’t know how to react. Apparently my MD had just returned from a meeting and met OML at the door. And so…he offered to come get me for him. Imagine this, a puked face, blur look and totally incoherent response from me….I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t stand straight and absolutely cannot walk straight. I didn’t even know what to respond when he asked me “What happened to me and if I need help blar blar….” All I could do then was mumble…and said it was okay. He saw how I looked and decided to grab my things for me. Not only that, when he saw I was totally walking sideways, he offered his arm for me….OMG!I swear I would have dug a hole and hid in it if I hadn’t been totally spaced out..

Honestly I was kinda glad he helped me, I seriously couldn’t even stand properly not to even mention walking and carrying my laptop. But the moment I stepped out…it was a 100m dash to the toilet again. The nausea was really bad…

My MD was really helpful, he tried to locate the nearest doctor for me, asked me if I was alright and stood by with OML and waited for me outside the toilet…sigh…he was so nice I was so totally embarrassed by the whole incident. I felt sorta like a fool…like this silly damsel in distress!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I spoilt everyone’s Friday night that day…the doctor said I had some slight ear infection caused by my recent flu and had resulted in the water level in my ear all haywired. The “merlion” stint was the result of the dizziness.

It was all so terrible, I had to miss a good friend’s wedding the next day because of the whole episode….how drama!

You know, I somewhat think I’m cursed to undergo some drama this time of the year…last year just before CNY, I went through this. This year…it’s this shite! Unbelievable! How’s that to welcome the new year! Sheesh….

Do I think I need a break? Desperately!

Taxi Woes

2007-01-05T11:02:00.000+08:00

I think the cab drivers in Singapore are a very protected bunch to the extend of being pampered.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not prejudiced against them or trying to put them down. In fact I do know some taxi uncles out there that are nice and hardworking. There are however, some rather unethical uncles. Not only do they choose their passengers, they will find all means to incur a better deal when picking passengers like waiting for bookings to come in or go via a longer way to clock more mileage. Some I’ve heard, even try to cheat unknowing foreigners by adding additional costs that they might not even be aware of. How unethical!

Yesterday was pouring at my office. I had wanted to skip the rain but couldn’t make it in time. So I attempted a mild luxury to try and hail a cab home since it’s raining so heavily. As I trouted to the nearest taxi stand with my heavy laptop, there was already a slight queue for taxis. As I stood waiting, there were a number of cabs coming in, however they were all On-Call by the people around. One after one, they were all displaying the On-Call sign. I was rather bewildered because I could see many available taxis on the roads outside the taxi stand that I was queuing. It was as if they could not see that a taxi queue was forming.

As time passes, one by one impatient passengers took out their mobile and called for a cab. After waiting for about half hour or so, there were only a few others left. As the rain was getting smaller, some even went out to the roadside to try and flag for one. 2 passengers succeeded while I did not. In the end, I decided that was it and I tugged my laptop sulking back to my ever faithful transport- the MRT. I reached home a lot later than I had anticipated but oh wells….

I did try to call for a cab but the lines couldn’t get through. I guess most people were fed up waiting for a cab and decided since they can afford, they might as well call a cab. This explained the phenomenon of seeing so many cabs out joy riding, just so they can wait for a booking and earn more for the same ride.

I can’t help but wonder…why do we need to pay extra for calling a cab? I mean isn’t the logic of calling a cab mean you need a cab and will definitely bring business to the taxi driver? If so, why the extra charge? At the end of the day, both parties will benefit from the call right? Passengers don’t have to wait that long, don’t have to pay extra, taxi uncles don’t have to go round joy riding wasting fuel, and in turn be environment friendly emitting less pollutants…wouldn’t that be great? I mean this would greatly reduce these unethical taxi drivers to avoid passengers deliberately to “force” them into calling a cab for that extra cash? Times have changed now, most people posses a mobile and it’s so convenient to call for a cab now. They should abolish this to stop all these nonsense of hiding out and waiting for calls or hiding out so that they can clock the midnight charge. It’s just unfair to the passengers!

I know the taxis in Australia don’t have booking charges. They don’t even have what we call the midnight surcharge. That’s why I feel the taxi drivers are well protected here, yet they do not see it and complain all the time. Especially those uncles who choose their passengers, I don’t quite understand the reason for this. When u drive a taxi, the more passengers means more money? Otherwise bother to drive a taxi, instead drive a bus? It has its designated route all day doesn’t it? Heh!

Snippets

2007-01-03T15:19:00.000+08:00

30th December

Cousin’s wedding to attend…she looked so beautiful that day…
Had a good time seeing all my relatives again. My mum’s side has got a huge family and someone I’ve always enjoyed the tight knit family ties we’ve always have…
But with everyone settling down and becoming mummies and daddies…things have somewhat been different…

Somehow I’m being asked when’s my big day…it’s kinda weird hearing these questions because it seemed like yesterday when I was that little rascal running around in the restaurant during such events…

It brought a little reality check back to me…that I’m “officially” the right age to settle down. Deep inside me, a little part of me kinda longed for that day….I mean..ultimately I would want a family of my own. I like kids and I don’t want to be in my 40s and running around after a 1 year old…but if that’s the case…I’ll need to settle down like…in a couple years time? Somehow I dun feel too ready at all for this…is this commitment phobia? Or am I just over reacting? I think too much….

31st Decemeber

New year’s eve…I finally thot of my new year resolution…I need to STOP procrastinating on things…well..assuming I will stop procrastinating to stop procrastinating?Haha…I’m a goner.. I know…perhaps I should strive to not be a goner..LOL.

Went down to Vivo to watch the Curse of the Golden Flower…Gong Li’s acting cool! Jay Chou….omg…I think he should stick to singing?Hmm..then again..maybe writing songs. The show’s pretty good...lots of boobs watch for the guys..haha

Watching the show at Vivo was a mistake..too crowded..no cabs...had to call cabs and fight the cab snatchers..I really no like our Indian pple..i dun mean to be racist…but they are really a bunch of rude pple!

Oh…and I made my first bobo of the year…I had stored the wrong number all the while in my mobile for comfort cabs and dialed to DBS bank! Wahahahaha…yes..I’m a sad story. Lol! The lady who answered the call must be damn pissed off…she’s prob sleeping or something and I woke her up…for the wrong reason somemore…haizz…

1st January

Caught Death Note 2- the Last name. I would say it’s a pretty good show with very good suspense. The storyline’s great, it’s amazing how someone can come up with such a script. It’s been a long time since I had such an opportunity to watch movies side by side. It was a good treat…it’s a pity I missed the fireworks thou…heard it was good. I didn’t want to squeeze in crowds ever since…..

2nd January

Played tennis after a long break…my skills seemed to have been given back to my coach. Then it was dinner with my family at a new Japanese restaurant at the tampines stadium. The restaurant is of a new concept of self service, where you go around collecting sticks of the item at different stations that you wish to order and place then in a straw basket where the waiters or waitresses will come by your table to collect them, punch in your order and subsequently deliver your order.
The sushis are pretty much self service too, all at 99cent per plate. It goes round a belt so u basically choose what u want and bring it back to your seat. The concept is pretty interesting but I found it rather unnecessary. I mean…going around each station scrutinizing the “menu” can be quite annoying because there’s so many pple squeezing arnd and fighting for a spot. For some who are really inconsiderate simply take their own sweet time browsing without considering about the people behind. Some simply bochup and choose the block the walkway.
Haiz…Singaporeans…when will we ever learn that courtesy is a virtue and that showing consideration is THE way to improve our society?
We’ve got a long way to go I suppose…

3rd January

It was so difficult waking up today…still reminiscing about my holidays. And oh..i actually forgotten about my ofc pin code this morn…had to get the receptionist to let me in. How pathetic right? I know…

Back to reality…Work work…

Random Stuffs...

2006-12-29T16:50:00.000+08:00

It’s been a long week, although the irony is that with Xmas falling on Monday, hence the public holiday, the work week is supposedly shorten. However for many people, 27th Dec was a day to remember when the virtual world was taken to a halt.
With the damaged cables beneath the seas off Taiwan, internet access has either been almost zilch or uber slow…

This made me feel terrible at work…I couldn’t msn nor skype…I felt even more alone in the office.

I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to work from home on Thursday…least I felt better. I come into office and hardly spoke more that 3 sentences to anyone everyday. It was only like…. “Morning!” and probably a smile…that was pretty much it. Can u freaking imagine that? I’m not a talkative person but I’m not that quiet either. For the entire day…I can only speak so much to someone…I personally think it’s sad.

I’m really adjusting hard at this new work place. The people here aren’t all bad but they’re just probably very used to the “silent” culture here. I don’t know how long exactly I can last here honestly.

Otherwise, I would like to formally request permission to work from home after my confirmation.

I didn’t have mood for xmas nor for the new year this time round…somehow I haven’t been in my best moods these day, perhaps I’ve been thinking too much into this job. Too many question marks and how it is totally different from what I had expected….

Oh well…I’m trying not to think too much, otherwise I’ll never enjoy my long weekend.

Taz everyone…have a good long weekend and Happy New Year…May 2007 be a better year for everyone!!!

Idioit

2006-12-26T11:18:00.000+08:00

Felt like an ass today.

Was trying to print my IC and my payslip today...

But the stupid printer wouldn't print...I thought there was something wrong and gave up after 2 attempts!

Then I realised...they have swapped the blardey physical printer and its location without notifying!!!!

What the hell is wrong with this company when it comes to proper communication?

I have no idea how many people saw my personal details and payslip even though the kind secretary kept it for me...I feel like an arse!Even she now knows how much I'm paid..

Did I mention I feel like an arse?Yes...I seriously do.

ARSE!

Boxing Day

2006-12-26T11:09:00.000+08:00

Belated Merry Xmas peepz...

Xmas just whisked past so quickly without me realising it..

*sigh*

How everyone had a good Xmas!

Side note: Rainy day and long weekend did not do well for me this morn...had the urge to MIA. Well...I didn't...Office is so empty today...

I wanna go home.....*sobz*

Sunshine and Blue Sky

2006-12-20T14:58:00.000+08:00

The sun is finally out today….

Sounds of bird chirping…

Tho I do like rain…heavy downpour for 3 days in the row ain’t something one would look forward to…

Hooray for the sun!

ps:I do hope the sun stays…weather report says rain is due to continue at least until friday at least…I hope they are wrong.

Elitism

2006-12-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

The word elitism hardly rings a bell to me….

There’s been many blogs going around about the Elites in Singapore…

Seriously…why do the elites get so much limelight in Singapore? I just don’t get it!

Is it cos they are smart? Hardworking? Rich? Or simply too opinionative?

You see…I think I’ve grown up pretty simple. I’ve gone to neighbourhood schools, had the opportunity to study abroad and now, working in a one of the big five consulting firms. Does that make me an elite?

If I earn more compared to my peers, does that make me elite too?

How does one decide which caliber do u belong to? Who determines this? And why?

Maybe I’m wrong, but sometimes the society we grow up from makes a difference.

People of my batch will remember this….

At the tender age of 9, we had to go through a series of Gifted Programmes- this was introduced to bring out the “gifted” kids and to groom them to be elites.

Then there’s another Streaming done at age of 10-this is again to “re-arrange” the kids into different batch- EM1,EM2 and EM3. They claim this will help teachers groom the talented and better focus on the ~~stupid~~ less talented kids.

And even when it comes to the PSLE, there’s still all the aftermath scrabble of parents trying to get their kids in the “elite” schools. From all kinds of ~~briberies~~ voluntary donations to volunteering work in schools, parents try so hard just so their kids can have a better future.

And then there’s the JCs and Polytechnics path to determine if a diploma is elite enough. Within these selections, there’s also a classification of the elite choices.

Even then at Univerisities, people who can study medicine or law are usually termed as the elites….

But is all these realistic? If u study in the best schools, have the best results and get the most expensive scholarship, you are automatically elite?

IMHO, society plays a huge part. Society emphasize too much on papers, on grades and elitism. The stereotype mark is too clearly affirmed that if u can’t do well in school, you can’t do anything else…

Why do some companies employ people with only first class honours? Why do companies pay two times the price for a fresh graduate with no working experience but with a A* certificate? Why do society judge people by their certifications?

Elitism doesn’t mean u will always succeed in life. I don’t know about others but I feel in that in Singapore, being top in schools does not necessarily mean u get to face all the aftermath of the real world when u get into the working world.

Well I must agree if your studies are fantastic in Singapore, people will automatically brand u as the cream of the crop. Companies offer these people the best jobs, best pay, hoping they will help excel again and help contribute to the organization. Of course, there are people who are really capable who could make a difference, but there are always the black sheeps….

In the real world, book smart doesn’t get u anywhere, it’s also about working smart and knowing the ways to manage the people around you.

With my 1st 1 and a half jobs(they were more like casual jobs), my bosses were horrible. One was so claim to be an entrepreneur, but he was a “heartless” man. He was unfeeling towards his staffs, stingy and totally un-gentleman. The second one, to my knowledge, came from elite school background, went to the best university etc, but similar to my first boss, he couldn’t manage his staff, too emotional and talks faster than his brain can think. He could literally make something dead look so alive vice versa, but his words can pierce hard into u as well.

I’ve studied in neighbourhood all my life. I did very well for my ‘O’ levels, but when I went into JC, my results flopped. With the thanks of my parents, I had the opportunity to further my studies overseas and start anew. I studied very hard in Aussie and even went to obtain my Honours degree, I didn’t want to disappoint my parents nor myself again. Even then I had to choose a less expensive Uni, but you know what, I still got myself an executive job with my own perseverance and today, I am proud that I made it to one of the big five consulting firms. These are all my own achievements, there were no scholarships, no bribery and no “elite” schools to help me with my career path. It was all just me. There’s really no need to go around bragging about your own elitism, there’s nothing to be snobbish about. Should u put your heart and mind to everything that you do, I think anyone can be elite too!

Beams

2006-12-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

Someone made my day today.

You know who u are…thanks gal!*mucks*

Thanks for the wonderful flowers…

They really did brighten my day and definitely my week too!

Thanks again for reminding me that I’m not alone…=)

Me?

2006-12-04T17:19:00.000+08:00

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Too Much Affection

2006-12-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

It has always been interesting taking the trains in Singapore.

This is one place where you can really find the a happy family of “ugly” Singaporeans like the everyday bochup auntie, the kiasu parents with their kids and my all time “favourites”..the “pole dancers”! But today, I have found some new species, the “I’m so American” teenagers….

Perhaps there’s been a culture shift somewhere. With more foreign televisions shows/movies influences and the vast amount of information on the internet, I must admit that there’s been a huge difference between the youngsters these days compared to my time. I guess that’s probably what we term as generation gap? (Gosh, I make myself sound so terribly old…eeks!)

Anyway I must agree that to some extend, influences from other countries or other cultures can be good. I always believe that there’s many to learn from one another ir-regardless of race or your religion.

But one should adhere to good values to adopt instead of all?

When I was on the train yesterday back home, a really young “couple” board the train at cityhall I think. When I say young, I really mean young. They seem to be like secondary school kids to me!

Anyway they were all lovey dovey, totally oblivious to their surroundings. The train was crowded and I was standing by the pole. The train was the new train that had extended poles. The couple was standing behind next to me and they were fidgeting while trying to hug one another, touching and fondling one another. And everything they did this, they hit me! Either my arms or my back or my shoulder!

This is outrageous in my opinion!!! Call me conservative or whatever but I think they barely understand the word “LOVE” and yet they are behaving so intimately in public? I scorn to think what they will do in private. The guy was hugging the girl, putting his face to her neck and kissing her etc etc…I was really speechless and I could see frowning faces all around. But like all Singaporeans, I’m ashamed to say I kept quiet. First I was having my back to them, only catching their reflections through the glass and secondly, who am I to say anything? Perhaps I don’t understand LOVE myself…

These are days when I understand why teenage abortion rates are getting higher. These kids have no idea what they are getting into…..

Random

2006-11-28T14:31:00.000+08:00

Hmm..it's been awhile...

Lots been happening but I havent had the real energy to blog...

Started on a new game....kinda started on a new web based game...good for killing time really...the game's Travian. Check it out if you are keen...

Visited the St James Power Station over the weekend...nah...not really my cup of tea..it's either I'm getting old or that I was hanging with a wrong crowd that night, or simply...I'm just really tired.

Hmmm...I fancied this wilson tennis racquet...it's a women series...but I thot it's a tad expensive...don't know if i should get it thou...since the tennis court at my place going to be renovated...arrghs..shld I get it as a Xmas gift for myself?Let's see...

Well..Xmas is coming...but I dun exactly feel the whole Christmassey holiday mood...maybe cos everyone's taking leave and taking breaks while I'm stranded to my new job...sad....*sobz*

And today, OML did something rather insensitive...Got me upset...Woe is me now...Boohoo!!!!!

Alone

2006-11-21T17:19:00.000+08:00

Ever feel like you need to get something done yet u can't?

Not because you really can't do it but because it's not your area.

Then u start looking around....

But all u feel is....alone...

It is times like this that I do hate my job. Sense of helplessness!

*grit teeth*

Short note

2006-11-20T12:12:00.000+08:00

It’s been a tiring weekend…
Been plagued by the incessant headache spells again…sometimes I wonder if I’ve really got a tumour somewhere in my head..sheeshhh…

Anyway, although the weekend was tiring, it was considered constructive…managed to get a new pair of shoes for tennis (my old pair of sports shoes ruptured…sigh)…also managed to get 2 demo tennis racquets for trials for my lessons on Sunday…I’m a fan of the Wilson W2/W4 series…but…I think it’s going to burn a huge hole in my pocket…shall see if there are good yet cheaper alternatives out there…haa…

Well…been feeling broke for a long time already…counting down to my pay day!!!! Xmas is coming…not a good time to feel broke!

I’m blabbering right…

not enuff sleep + grogginess + hovering headache = stoned me

I feel like going to the doc and go home sleep…unfortunately…I’ll have to take no pay.

No way…I have to persevere through!

What GST hike?

2006-11-16T09:57:00.000+08:00

There’s been a lot of discussions going around with the recent mention of the GST hike by our PM Mr Lee Hsien Loong.

This is quite a surprise to me because with the recent MRT suicide cases, there have been issues raised as to why the poor income families were not given the appropriate help when it was needed resulting to such desperate “measures”. Amidst all the finger pointing, the government has decided that a GST hike can solve all issues? Greaaaat!

I must say I’m totally bewildered by this outcome.

In my personal opinion, with the recent hike of mrt prices, electricity, cab fares etc etc, I’m really beginning to see why the richer in Singapore gets richer and the poorer gets poorer…

The rich obviously can grow their money easily. I mean, let’s face it…there’s a saying in Chinese that 钱能使鬼推磨- simply mean that money can make the world go round. It’s really as simple as that.

As for the poor, why do they get poorer? Just keeping up with the hikes in our daily expenditure is enough to kill.

Singapore is no longer as naïve and innocent as before….there’s lesser and lesser compassion and lesser and lesser empathy going around. Everything else is about money, more money and not forgetting…status.

Whoever can beat the crowd and become the “elite” of Singapore gets to have the best life planned out, say the darnest things and still get away with them. Our dear Miss Wee Shu Min was one example to depict how the “elite” here obviously have their nose too high in the clouds to see and understand what it’s like to be a commoner, where jobs are a necessity and not a luxury.

With the income gap ever widening and the job market only slowly picking up, our government finds this the right time to increase the GST? Forgive me to rant on this but I don’t quite understand why this should be a solution? I don’t belong to the poorer income but neither do I belong to the elite…in this case, where should I belong?

The GST impact on me? My pay will definitely stay the same cos I dun think any company will raise their employees’ package just cos the GST is rising, but yet I’ll need to spend more on necessities. And remember, I don’t get help either, cos I dun fall into the many conditions of being POOR. I just need to fend for myself for now, perhaps in due time, I just might qualify being POOR and get help….isn’t that great? I can afford to be poor now…can’t hide my joy….Yay!!!! -.-“

New Day

2006-11-14T13:53:00.000+08:00

A new day….a new start.

God bless.

Alone

2006-11-13T10:39:00.000+08:00

It’s a sad day for me today….

A whirlpool of things happened to me over the weekend….

Don’t even know where to start….

Just feeling kinda blurry about things…

Numb is the right word…

I just want to be alone now…

Revelations

2006-11-07T12:18:00.000+08:00

The environment here is really cold. Even the cleaners here aren’t what I call friendly….well…I don’t expect them to be all smiley cleaning toilets, but at least smile when someone greets u? well…maybe it’s just me huh?

I guess it’s been a huge change to my previous work place. You win some and you lose some…you hardly get a choice where u get the best of everything…that’s life I suppose.

Looking on the brighter side of things, this change allows me to be more emotionally independent. I get to choose where I go for lunch, what to eat, how long to eat and if I want to go shopping after etc etc. Unlike before, I then to rely more on others to make “my” decisions and simply follow suit. I get a different kind of independence here.

I know it is some contradiction because I have been on my own in Aussie for about 3.5 years. Theoretically I ought to be very independent. Well, I am. I can cook, clean, wash and take care of myself and someone else. Just that I find it hard to be having a meal alone in crowded places. I can eat alone at home…but I just found it difficult to be eating alone outside the comfort of my own home perhaps.

Yeah..you probably think I’m weird…but…heh…nobody’s perfect huh? =p

So looking at the brighter side of things…this new company has given me the opportunity to test my limits. Forces me to be more emotionally independent. The freedom to do whatever I want during lunch time…good practice for me....=)

New Accomplishment

2006-11-06T15:48:00.000+08:00

I’ve had my first “solo” lunch today at the foodcourt…..

Why should this be an accomplishment? I’ve never really had my meal in the “open” before. At times when I have no company for any meals, I will either make sure I find someone or that I will simply pack lunch home to eat.

In this case, since I had no one to lunch with this week yet, I thought I try eating on my own. And yes…I did it! Haa…

I guess in my whole life, I have been blessed to always have someone to eat lunch with. With this new culture, I guess my “blessings” sorta ran out and I just had to be independent. At first I didn’t like the idea, simply because I really wasn’t quite used to this. At times when I really had no one to have a meal with previously, I would always pack home. And in this case, I had packed sandwiches and ate them whilst reading newspapers in the pantry.

Today, I actually had lunch on my own at the foodcourt.

Revelations: It ain’t as bad as I thought it would be. I get to choose where to go, what to eat and of course, can eat as slowly as I want to. And after lunch, if I still have some time on my own, I can walk around to wherever I feel like it. Hee…I can choose to skip lunch and go shopping too!!! Chinatown’s not too far from here…and if I have any errands I need to run…I can choose to do it anytime and anywhere I deem fit. Hee…

I think I’m starting to take a more positive side to this whole new job, new environment, and new culture feat. Feels good to be able to do whatever u want…

Let’s see what happens few months down the road huh? =)

Back

2006-11-03T10:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm…it’s been quite awhile since my update….

Somehow I wasn’t really in the right mood…

Time really flies these days…I remember when I was back in school, time seemed so slow…maybe because then u were hoping that time could go faster, so that u will be older and be able to do more things…but now…the exact opposite!

Life is full of irony isn’t it? Now that u’re all grown up and a working adult, u’re hoping that time can slow down a lil for u to catch up with the smaller things in life….you’re now hoping your birthday doesn’t come each year….haha…

About 2 weeks into the new job…had a culture shock on my first day. Waited at the reception for about 1.5 hours….felt like some zoo exhibit with people coming in and out…
Since the environment is very mobile here….the HR did not really intro many people here in the office. Most consultants here do not have a fixed sitting arrangement…so..people come in and out all the time…he probably dun remember half of their names anyway…

For me, I am doing support for starters so I have a table that I have to sit cos I need to man the support phone. Kinda sucky because people can come and go as they pls but I can’t…sigh…but then again…I can always route the calls to my mobile…hurhurhur!!!

Not that I intend to do it now…but we’ll see how it goes…I don’t want to remain in this position for so long..it is boring simply waiting for “things” to happen.

I’m slowly getting used to things here, cos I hardly know many people here, I take lonely lunch…well…I guess this is the lifestyle of the consultants here? It’s a matter of getting used to the environment…a very different culture but I have to learn to be independent huh? Perhaps things would be better 3 mths down the road…=) *keeping my fingers crossed*

All things aside…my parents have been away for the past week, holidaying in china…and I’m the part time maid and baby sitter for my bro…this is tiring man…hence the even lack of blog updates…

All others…I’m very broke…need to get new clothes for the new job…no more jeans day…and I haven’t got my pay for Oct cos I missed the pay day…darn…I will be broke for Nov too…

Farewell

2006-10-13T14:24:00.000+08:00

The farewell dinner was great!

Although some of my closer pals did not manage to attend, most other people attended the company dinner.

The food was good but I wasn’t in too much of a mood to enjoy. Been eating so much lately that I feel I’m soooooooo bloated! Another round tonight from another group of khakis….Someone save me man!

Oh, they got me a nice white Baby G watch as my farewell gift! Coincidently, when OML had offered to get me a watch, I actually liked this model. But in the end he didn’t buy cos I thot I really dun need one and didn’t want him to spend that money. Well….I ended getting this watch anyway…I guess we’re fated then. Ha!

The night was fun, maybe cos I had no reservations in me. It was like free from some huge load. But at the same time, I felt sad leaving this group of people. They are really like a family to me. I wouldn’t have left if things weren’t as bad compared to before, there are just some things that can’t be changed I suppose.

After a week of lunch and dinner treats, my jeans feel tight today! Sheesh…time to lose off some fats…ha….

Going to attend the Oktoberfeast festival happening near my future office…heee….going to really party tonight! It’s really been awhile…

Yay!*big smiles*

Memories

2006-10-11T17:06:00.000+08:00

This is my last week here.

I will be leaving behind a lot of memories and some friendships, together with all my rants about working here. Things were very different when I first joined this place. It’s sad to see it in this state now. But hey, I tried my best to make things work, but I guess when opportunity comes knocking, I had to prioritize my own future.

This week has been a tad more relaxing for me. It’s been so long since…colleagues are all “dating” me for farewell lunch/dinner etc…I’m so getting fat after this week. I’m so going to be a vegetarian after this week.

Tonight is my official farewell dinner by the company. It’s an international buffet at some hotel, I’m going to be stuffed again!

I will soon be embarking on a new journey….it’s almost like my first day of school all over again. Getting to know new colleagues, trying to find a new click to belong to for lunch and hopefully the company culture will be much better!

It can be tiring thou, getting to know new people and letting others know me. I guess ultimately it’s really about leaving my comfort zone huh?

I still remember my first day work here. It was so overwhelming! I was the only female in the team cos my prev mentor was away on her US trip. So there it was, a table full of guys at lunch. And you know guys normally eat really fast..they would sit and wait for me. It was so awkward then! I felt terrible my first week here….but somehow I made it through month after month…and with a twinkling of an eye..it’s almost 2 years. And I’ve created such a bond with some people here, it’s hard leaving some of the peepz. We’re more like long lost friends than colleagues…

But well, we have promised to keep in touch and gather once in awhile for some good old yakking sessions together!

Well, I’m going to freshen up myself and prepare for the new job! *beams* I hope I can get a similar click at my new workplace! =D

Weird

2006-09-27T16:44:00.000+08:00

I received an belated greeting email from an “old” guy friend today….so why is the old word in inverted commas?
Well, this is because he really is old, and we hadn’t talked for a looooong time.

I got to know this friend during my studies in Australia. We belong to a bunch of Singaporeans who happen to be in the same class, so we hung around a lot.I was actually quite close to this friend for awhile because I hadn’t had a lot of friends there, and being at a new place and all made me fear unfamiliarity.

Anyway, I guess somehow this guy became kinda interested in me. The reason why I used the word kinda is because, he isn’t the kind of guy I would describe as a nice guy. He’s more of a typical ah-beng style kind of guy. He smokes, dyes hair, speaks hokkien, totally ungentlemanly I suppose? And the fact that he’s interested in me is so he could copy my homework and I guess I was just so conveniently there for him to fancy!

Well, anyway I’m glad nothing came out of this who admiration thing….perhaps he was just lonely. So when he felt that he was going no where with me, he moved on to a next target really quick. There’s more to this story but I guess I’m not in the right mind to be nostalgic….esp about him!

So anyway, we sorta lost contact ever since he got attached and came back to Singapore. But one fine day…I think it was my last year’s birthday, he popped out of nowhere with a birthday greeting email. It’s funny because I thot we weren’t friends anymore. He was quite an asshole for awhile and we hadn’t talked since.

I was totally taken aback by his email. At first I thot “Hey, I’d give this man my benefit of the doubt, maybe he’s matured and thought how childish he was back then and wanted to rekindle the friendship.”

So I replied his email, thank him for remembering etc etc…but I was in for a surprise. Well, not really a surprise, more of an “enlightenment”. Because he started flaunting about his job at a big organisation and that he’s getting married blar blar and wanted to invite me blar blar. Not so much of a shocker there really…like I said..he ain’t so much of a gentleman. I still wonder what his wife sees in him. His family is quite well to do? Hmm...then again maybe I’m just biased? I didn’t attend his wedding at all. Couldn’t be bothered really, he probably eyed my “ang bao” more. I just gave him such stupid excuse and shrugged the whole thing off!

So…back to this email he sent me. This time, he sent me a belated birthday, citing “better late then never”. Being gracious, I replied and thank him…didn’t wanna be rude.

So he started revealing that he’s shifting to the neighbourhood near me…in fact after exchanging emails, he’s divulged he’s staying in the condo next to mine. Goodness! Then he went on to talk about his wife being pregnant and blar blar blar…
I smiled reading his email….wondering why is he telling me all these when we weren’t even talking for the longest time. I mean…I don’t even have his mobile number! We never had dinner together, never talked about work or family like long-time friends. It’s like…so weird having him telling me all these things! If u had come to me as a friend who is genuinely concerned about my well-being and not going non-stop about how u’re living your life right now, I just may believe your sincerity. Unfortunately, it’s all about him…as usual…

Ha! I just had to laugh…perhaps I’m biased, but I think the only reason he’s doing this is to brag to me about how happy and rich he is now. Sheesh…grow up man! I’ve never regretted the fact that I hadn’t chosen u. I’m very happy with OML right now. Thank you!

Fate

2006-09-25T17:24:00.000+08:00

Fate has somewhat a hand influencing my life sometimes. To a certain extend, I do believe in fate. Because I think fate is something that we can’t escape from. As much as we have the choice to choose, fate dictates the choices we’re given and the route we take, pending our choice.

My company has been actively recruiting lately. Seems that there are some projects in the pipeline. Anyway the weird thing is, this new guy, who came in last Thursday, came from the company that I’m going to join. And it seems that the next potential guy who’s coming to “replace” me, will also be coming from this company. It’s almost like an exchange program! Only there’s not turning back.

I can’t help but wondering if I’ve made a good choice in moving to this company. Seems that people can’t wait to leave that place? My boss and my HR did mention briefly if I’m prepared to travel with the new job, because that’s one of the primary reason why people are leaving over there.

I’m not going to lie….I do feel rather apprehensive about the whole idea. It’s silly because I am quite an independent person. I should be very used to traveling, having spent 3 and half years in Aussie studying. I’ve also traveled to Philippines for 3 months, flying to and fro every week last year. So why do I feel the apprehension? Is it the new environment? Different expectations? Leaving my comfort zone? I guess it’s a bit of all….

I need to clear my head again and tell myself that I’m still young, the exposure will do me good! If I don’t try now, I might leave to regret it. As long as I have the understanding and support of my loved ones….nothing is impossible?

*smiles* with fingers crossed

Taken for Granted

2006-09-18T11:04:00.000+08:00

Taken for granted is never a good feeling.
Everywhere I’m taken for granted.
I just don’t get it. Whether it is at home, in the office or by OML, I’m always taken for granted.

I know that it’s human nature to take certain things or certain people for granted, but when is it considered too much?

At home, my parents never fail to take me for granted, even my brother. I know I take my parents for granted too, but I always try and make an effort to make a difference.

My brother has a bad habit. He will always pee and stain the toilet seat and toilet bowl. But yet he doesn’t bother to clean it up, this will in turn stink up the entire toilet. And since my room is the closest to the toilet, my room will always be filled with the pungent ammonia smell….
I probably will never understand but why is it so difficult to just aim properly? Even if he did not do it deliberately, why can’t he make an effort to clean it up? I think he takes for granted that someone will do it for him…even with constant reminders, he still does it. Don’t get me wrong…I still love my dear brother but there are times when I really find it irritating that he’s so inconsiderate!

I was just telling my mum this morning and she rebukes me about having to clean up my mess too! Sometimes I’m really upset when she tells me things like that, because when did I ever had her to clean up such mess? I’m quite a clean freak and I’m always considerate to others when it comes to personal hygiene like this….And even if she complains about something, I will always make an effort. I will always try to help her with chores and stuffs, I know being a housewife and all can be quite demanding sometimes. Having to wash, clean, cook and stuffs, but I do try to help sometimes. I mean we all have our roles to play in a family, but all I’m expecting is for my brother to understand what is showing consideration to others. Is that wrong? Does that make me a bad sister? And she has to tell me this kind of things? She’s obviously condoning what he is doing right? I know my mum dotes on my brother more. She pampers him so much, doing everything for him. Anything that I do probably can’t compare to him in any way. She even suggested I help him “clean” up his mess, saying that we’re all family and we should help him out. I wonder when he goes into NS, is family going to be around and clear his mess? If he goes abroad for studies, is family going to be there for him too? And when he gets his own family…is he going to rely solely on his wife?

I’m just angry that my mum gives me such a response instead of educating my brother to be more responsible and be considerate to others. He’s not the only person using the toilet and his room ain’t the one closest to the toilet. Must we always condone his actions and spoil him to such extent? He’s never ever going to learn this way….I really give up!

If my mum wants to take me for granted…so be it…I will not be guilty the next time about taking her for granted…

If I can make a wish this birthday….I would wish that I won’t be taken for granted, ever ever!

Finale

2006-09-15T10:09:00.000+08:00

It is official!

I have tendered and will be giving a month’s notice.

And the farewell gift that I’m getting, is to have to work next weekend and on my birthday!

How exciting!!!!

Let’s all cheer and clap and be all excited….NOT!

Totally bummed! =(

Waiting....

2006-09-12T15:49:00.000+08:00

It’s been 3 days since my decision….

However my boss has coincidentally been on leave. I wonder if she knows….Anyway, she will be back tomorrow.

So…tomorrow is D-day!

I haven’t exactly rehearsed what I will be telling her tomorrow. I guess I’m leaving it to impromptu “performance”. Honestly, she’s been nice to me throughout my stay here, and I’ve learnt a lot since. It may seem that I’m ungrateful to leave now, but with my mentor’s jump to another company, my learning curve has been dropping since. My “new” mentor hasn’t been free enough to do a lot of things. I have been following up a lot on her admin stuffs and trying to do her job whilst doing mine, all because she claims to be very busy with other stuffs. I guess I got a little frustrated because I feel like a spare tyre ….I’m always the back-up of somebody. When will I ever get my own role and own responsibilities? That is why I really need to get out of this “confinement”.

I hope the pasture is greener in my new environment….but before that…it’s always the waiting game…I need to brace myself for tomorrow’s “impact”. It will be another sleepless night…I’m too much of a thinker…I know…

Moving on?

2006-09-07T11:06:00.000+08:00

My 3rd round of interview went smoothly. I have been offered the position and quite abit of increment. I would say I’m very tempted, considered it’s a much bigger company, much better staff welfare and benefits. Of course, with the new offer, there will be more work, more weekends burnt and probably more stress?

I guess considering the fact that I’m still young, I’m willing to take my chances. I mean, how long can one stay young? While I’m still young with not too many commitments, I should test my limits out and see how far I can go rite?

The only thing left now is, I feel abit guilty about leaving this place. This place did have fond memories. Although there has been a lot of changes since, there’s still some people whom I will miss dearly. The apprehension of adapting into the new company/culture makes me feel like it’s first day of school all over again.

I guess ultimately it’s about leaving your comfort zone and adapting to a new place. After being accustomed to how things function here and who are those colleagues you can really relate to and take as friend, it makes me wanna think twice. But a good friend/colleague told me that I shouldn’t be too emotional about such things and should take my own career and future as the first priority. Perhaps to a certain extend I agree with her…but knowing myself, I think it will be very difficult to break the news to my boss….

Wish me luck….

Sad day....

2006-09-04T16:17:00.000+08:00

It’s a sad day…

I read with grief today about a demise of a great man….

Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and environmentalist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed this morning by a stingray while filming an underwater documentary on the Great Barrier Reef.

For those who have cables at home would know he is a popular icon of the Animal Planet. His documentaries were always fun to watch. OML and myself really admired his work with the animals. It’s not everyday u see a man so committed to saving the wild and educating us of the importance of every single species in the animal kingdom.

What is even sadder is the fact that his family is still so young…His wife is 41, his eldest gal is 8 and his son, turning 3 soon.

I was lucky to have met him in person when my parents were in Queensland and I had brought them to the zoo that was founded by Steve Erwin’s parents. He has managed to sustain the zoo through various projects, fundings and donations from the public. He was a very humble man. Very humorous and really devoted to saving nature. We saw his whole family there including his young daughter, Bindi, a very intelligent young gal. She has the makings of her dad actually….but now, haiz…it’s really tragic.

My utmost condolences to his family and friends and I pray deep inside my heart that they will be strong and carry on the legend of Steve Irwin.

Lalala....

2006-09-01T17:07:00.000+08:00

I’m again superbly glad it’s Friday!

I’ve had a tough week. This flu bug of mine still doesn’t want to leave me…

I really need this weekend to take a good rest, hopefully I can recover fully before the start of next week.

This week was really horrible because amidst the whole flu bug and all, my colleague has to choose this time to go for vacation. With that, I have to take over all of her stuffs…not that I’m mean or anything, but can she choose a better time? We are in middle of a whole lot transition of things and she choose this time when I so sick to leave everything to me? Haiz…I’m so tempted to return the “kindness” someday….

My bdae is happening this month! Yay! Not that it’s really exciting or anything…bdaes have somewhat evolved to be any other day these days…esp when you’re over 21. Time just whoozes past so quickly!

Anyway I’m trying to get myself a reason to lighten up this time. It’s been awhile….

So….what should I do? Organise a bbq? Go shopping? Or travel out of Singapore? I very much like the 3rd option, but I think work will have some impact then…so..it’s wiser to be in town.

Well…let’s see how things go…maybe I’ll just find some sugar daddy to let me go on a shopping spree? Whahahahahaa…

Shattered

2006-08-26T12:06:00.000+08:00

Feeling absolutely shattered right now.

I had an phone interview today after work.....How did it go? Absolutely disastrous!
Why?

Here's the story...

It was a technical interview scheduled to be around lunch time. However, the call did not arrive and was rescheduled to be around six instead.

So the call came 10 minutes after 6. I suppose it was the technical manager. He sounded really professional, too professional for my liking really.

Anyway he threw a few questions at me regarding my work. Eg, what I do exactly, what was the experience like as well as a few technical questions. I don't know if its me, but I thought the questions he asked were rather specific, too specific in fact. It's as if I'm being put through an exam that I was never prepared for.

You see, my industry is one where knowledge is so vast that there's no one person who could know it all even after 10 years of experience in it. So here is this technical guy trying to be all critical about my knowledge, when I only had 1 and a half years of experience.

There’s a difference between knowing what to do and memorizing what you do. I’m the kind who knows what to do but don’t remember how to get there. You see I’m a very visual person. I remember what I see…maybe even to the extend of having photographic memory sometimes. So if I see something and registers it into my head, there’s 99% that I’m right, but if I don’t…then there’s just no way you can get anything out of me.

So that’s what happened today, the things he asked were so specifc and so drilled down that I couldn’t understand what was he trying to get out of me? I guess I flustered when I realized I wasn’t really “performing”. It got me real bad when he tried to add in some finance terms. I was totally lost cos I never quite understand finance terms in general. I guess that was it for him, he started going into how being a consultant u need to know this, u need to know that blar blar…so that u can cope with customers queries. I was totally switched off by then, because all I could think of was…”When will this interview ever end?”

That was it really. My ego was bruised. I felt he was being rather harsh to me for a noob. But then again, this is how I feel…he probably thought otherwise…

The funny thing about this whole experience, I didn’t even apply for this job. And what do I get? Crushed pride and zilch morale! How fair is life?

K for Komplexity...

Wadever!

It's been awhile...

If...

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Outsider

Me, Myself and I?

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Merry Xmas to all!!

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I can sleep tonight...

B***H

Parents

:)

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Random

Update!

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Haiz

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Appreciation is.....

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Rd to recovery....

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Her Story-Chapter 4

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^&%$!@#!$*@&#

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Me?

You are The Empress

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